Destined
by DarkDream114
Summary: Set after bk 4. Jesse moved on after the article was published and Suze is lonely. At the start of the new school year she meets Julian, a new student at Mission Academy. He holds something for Suze too. Rated M: for language/future chapters. OFF HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own The Mediator or any of the characters *sigh*. They belong to the awesome Meg Cabot. Although, like every other girl, I wish I owned Jesse.

**A/N: **This takes place, as you probably can tell, after Darkest Hour/Young Blood. Jesse moved on and Suze is alone.

My life had been absolute hell since the day Jesse moved on. I mean, it was bound to happen and I had tried so hard not to let myself fall for him.

But I did.

I fell so hard.

I know it is completely my fault for falling for a ghost. I just thought, maybe, he had been hanging around all these years because he was supposed to meet me. I thought he was supposed to be with me.

But I was wrong.

I had brought him back from the spectral plane, where he had been sent after Jack Slater exorcised him, thinking everything would be alright.

It hadn't bothered me that I probably would've spent my life pining away for him. Truthfully, I hadn't cared. So long as I got to have him in my life.

Everything wasn't alright.

After I read the article in the Sunday paper, the one CeeCee had written about Jesse's murder, I went back to my room.

Jesse had been there. Sitting on the window seat like he always did. But something seemed wrong. He looked less opaque than usual.

I knew what was happening before he even looked at me. I started crying, I couldn't really help it.

Jesse, ever the gentleman that he was, walked over to me. He had asked me what was wrong. Clearly he didn't realize what was happening.

I shook my head and grabbed his hand. Crying even harder when I could barely take it.

I held it up for him to see.

"Nombre de Dios." He had whispered.

I looked up into his dark, mesmerizing eyes. I wanted to apologize, because it had been my fault. I had CeeCee write that story. Jesse had promised me that the mystery of his death was not why he was still here.

I knew that was a lie, but I had believed him.

But I couldn't be angry at myself. My anger flared toward Jesse. "You promised." I had accused. I wanted to yell, and scream, and hit him.

"I'm sorry _querida_." He had whispered, he voice growing more and more faint.

I could barely see him. He was nothing but a shimmer of light. And then I felt a slight pressure on my lips.

"Te amo." Was the last thing I heard him whisper.

It was a few weeks later when I found out what he had said. "I love you."

He had loved me. And I never got the chance to tell him how I felt. He would never know how much I love him.

Now here I was, like I had predicted, pining away for him. Only he was never coming back to me.

I was going to spend the rest of my life alone, all because I let myself fall for a ghost. I had known better, but you can never help who you fall in love with.

Although in this case, I wish I could've.

It had been almost two months since then, school was going to start tomorrow. My life would go back to normal, with the exception for Jesse's absence. That, and the fact that I hadn't slept all that well since I saved Jesse.

The nightmares I had of the hallway…and Paul Slater, were seriously depleting my sleep. And when I wasn't dreaming of that I was constantly seeing Jesse.

So you can see why my life was absolute hell.

I sat, on my window seat, staring at the sun setting into the ocean. I was basically wallowing in self-pity, I admit it.

I sighed when I heard the thump on the porch roof. Spike slinked trough the window and walked up to me.

He butted his head against my hand. I tried, and failed, to pet him and not think about Jesse. Spike, aside from me and Father Dominic, missed Jesse terribly. Of course Father Dom tried very hard not to show exactly how much Jesse's moving on affected him. He kept to his form, saying it was only a matter of time and that Jesse was in a better place.

Sometimes I wanted to throttle him for lack of sympathy. Other times I want to beg him to tell how to get over it. I knew how he had gotten over his falling in love with a ghost. He became a priest.

And I was destined to become a nun.

It was as I was thinking of was to accessorize a habit, you know those things nuns wear, that I saw a subtle glow in my peripheral vision.

"Hey, kiddo." My dad said from beside me.

"Hey, dad." I sighed.

My dad sat down on the seat next to me. "Suze." He sighed.

I knew that tone. "Don't start, dad." I said.

"Susie, you know he's…"

"Don't start with the 'he's in a better place' crap. Okay? I know. It doesn't make it hurt less." I said and soon I was crying into my dad's chest. My tears spilling on to his shirt that read: _HOMEPORT,MENEMSHA ,FRESH SEAFOOD ALL YEAR ROUND_

I pulled back, embarrassed. I hated crying, which I had been doing a lot of since Jesse left.

"I'm sorry." I sniffled.

"Suze, I know you loved him."

"I still love him." I muttered. "And he loved me."

"I understand that, but you have to know it never would've worked. It's better that he moved on. Otherwise he would've spent the rest of eternity hanging around. Watching you get old. Watching you die. It's better this way."

"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped.

There was a knock on my door. "Suze?" David, my youngest step-brother, known to me as Doc, called through my door.

I watched as my dad dematerialized. "Come in." I called.

The door cracked open. "Were you talking to…someone?" Doc is the only person in my family who knows, somewhat, about my ability to see and speak to ghosts.

It was with his help that I learned about how Jesse was murdered. Now I wish I hadn't found out.

"Yeah." I said.

The tips of Doc's sticky-outty ears flamed red. He was always a little uncomfortable when he came into my room. He really had no reason to be scared now. It wasn't haunted anymore. "Are you…alone?" He asked.

"Yeah. What do you need David?" I asked.

"Oh, dinner's ready." He said.

I nodded and headed downstairs.

My presence at dinner was mandatory. Andy, my step-father, had a thing about family's eating together. Even when I wasn't in the mood to be around people, I had to make an appearance.

I kept my eyes down all throughout dinner. I tried not to make it obvious that something was bothering me. I did an excellent job, seeing as no one noticed I was always quiet or on the verge of tears.

My older step-brother Sleepy, known to everyone else as Jake, talked about starting college. Dopey, my step-brother Brad, blabbered on about how junior year was going to be _bitchin'_.

After dinner I went back to my room and got my stuff ready to school. I showered and changed in the bathroom, a custom that I had picked up while Jesse was here. It was a habit I couldn't break.

I didn't dream about the hallway or Paul or even Jesse. Instead I dreamt about someone else. It wasn't technically a dream, I just got a brief glimpse of someone, someone I didn't know.

I woke up the next morning and slowly got ready to start my junior year at Junipero Serra Mission Academy. Normally, it was something I would look forward to. I would get to flaunt my new wardrobe I had acquired, courtesy of the summer job I had at the Pebble Beach Hotel and Golf Resort. Sadly, I couldn't find the right amount of enthusiasm as I thought of how jealous the girls at school would be.

I was quiet throughout the entire ride to school. I tuned out Dopey as he started blabbing, once again, about how _bitchin'_ this year would be.

Once at school, I proceeded to try and not draw attention to myself. I wanted to stay invisible for awhile, until I stopped grieving.

I stood in line as Assembly started. Basically Assembly was this: they made everybody stand outside in these lines separated by sex, boys on one side, girls on the other for fifteen minutes before school officially starts, so they can take attendance and read announcements and stuff.

It bored me.

Before I made my way to first period a novice came up to me and handed a note. I was waiting for this. I knew Father Dominic would want to see me. I sighed and headed to his office.

The receptionist made me wait outside Father Dom's office. That was just my luck. I get called to the principal's office on the first day back from summer vacation, I was blowing off first period, and then I had to wait. For Christ's sakes, I was called to come see Father Dom.

I shouldn't have to wait.

I stood up. I walked right passed the receptionist, who was calling my name, and walked right into Father Dom's office.

I know, I've never been patient.

To say Father Dom looked surprised to see me burst into his office would be an understatement. I think I almost gave him a heart attack.

"I…oh my…Susannah." Father Dom stammered.

"You wanted to see me, Father D?" I asked.

"I…er…yes, but as you can see I am busy at the moment." Father Dominic said.

It was at that moment that I saw someone sitting on the chair in front of his desk. I rolled my eyes. "Sorry." I muttered.

"I will be with you in a moment Susannah. Please wait outside." Father Dominic said.

"Fine." I said and turned around. I walked back to the waiting area mumbling about how I shouldn't have to wait. I glared at the floor as I sat and waited.

The door to Father Dom's office opened. "Susannah, you may come in." Father D said.

I heaved myself out of the chair, had the person in Father Dom's office already left?

When I walked in I realized that the person was still in there. "Prepare yourself, Susannah." Father Dom whispered as I passed into the office.

I looked at him questioningly and sat down at the other chair. I glanced quickly the other person, a guy. I didn't want to stare so I looked at Father D as he sat behind his desk.

"Susannah, I want you to meet Julian Diego. Julian, this is Susannah Simon." Father Dom said.

I glared at Father Dom and turned to Julian. "Nice to m…" I trailed off when I looked at Julian.

I noticed his eyes right away. The dark, intelligent eyes.

My jaw sagged.

I knew those eyes.

Jesse's eyes.

A/N: This is my first Fanfic. Please review, if you want to know how this turns out. Be honest in your reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Just see Chapter One for the disclaimer.

Chapter 2

I sat, there in Father Dom's office, staring at Julian like an idiot. Well, I guess I was staring at his eyes more than anything else. They hypnotized me. They looked so much like Jesse's.

"Nice to meet you too, Susannah." Julian said pulling my attention away from his eyes.

My attention was diverted from his eyes to his voice. It was deep and smooth, like Jesse's.

_Oh, crap. He reminds me of Jesse._ I thought.

I felt both Julian and Father Dominic staring at me. "Oh, crap." I muttered. "Sorry, I was thinking about something. Call me Suze."

I looked at Father D. "Why did you need to see me?" I asked.

"Right, I wanted you to meet Julian so you can show him around." Father Dom said.

"Okay. Is that all?" I asked.

"Of course not. Julian if would wait outside for a moment while I speak with Susannah." Father Dom said.

"Sure." Julian said and walked out of the office.

I sighed and looked at Father Dominic. "He reminds me of Jesse." I whispered.

"That's because that was Jesse." Father Dominic said.

"Father D, I think you've lost your mind. That was _not_ Jesse. That was Julian." I said.

"But that was also Jesse. It seems that his soul was put into Julian's body after he moved on. It's where he was supposed to go."

"Wait. What? You're saying that Jesse's back?"

"Yes. He came back as Julian. Well back as a part of Julian. Julian's soul, it seems, is still the dominant one."

"I didn't know two souls could inhabit one body." I said. "I didn't think that was possible."

"I did not think so either. But apparently we were wrong." Father Dom said.

"So, let me get this straight, that _is_ Jesse." I said.

"But that is also Julian." Father D said and looked over my head at something. "I'll have to do some research as to what exactly is happening. So for the time being, stick close to Julian."

I was doing a mental happy dance. Jesse _had_ come back. It was meant to be, _he came back_. "He came back to me." I mumbled under my breath.

"Susannah, Julian doesn't know about Jesse's soul. So he doesn't know you. Please Susannah, don't try and force any of this on Julian."

"OK Father D. But that doesn't matter because Jesse came back." I said with a smile.

"Susannah." Father D started.

"Don't force anything; I got it Father D. Can I go before I miss all my classes?" I asked still trying to contain my smile.

"Yes you may." Father D said.

"Wait. How did you know that Jesse's soul was in there?" I asked.

"Like you, I noticed it. But I also felt Jesse's presence."

"How come I didn't?"

"You didn't feel Jesse's presence because you're trying so hard not to think of Jesse."

I nodded and left the office.

Julian was still waiting there. I took a deep breath and walked up to him. "Hey, listen about what happened with me in there. I'm sorry. My mind tends to wander a lot." I said to Julian.

"No problem." Julian said and we walked out of the office. As soon as the door was closed Julian turned to look at me. "What the fuck is up with that look?"

I blinked at him. This was _definitely not_ Jesse. "What look?" I asked.

"Both you and the priest looked at me like…I don't know. I can't explain it, but it fucking creeped me out." Julian said.

"Oh, it's just that you reminded us of a friend of ours." I said and looked ahead of us. I glanced sideways at Julian. Now that I was really looking at him, he had a lot of physical similarities to Jesse.

They were the same height. They both had the same olive color skin. The same dark eyes. I wondered if Julian would look as good without a shirt as Jesse did.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" Julian asked.

I wasn't aware he had seen me looking at him. "Sorry, you just remind me so much of my…friend." I said.

"Who was this _friend_? Was he your boyfriend?" Julian asked.

"His name was Jesse. And no, he was _not_ my boyfriend. Not technically anyway." I said.

"What do you mean by 'not technically'? Where you friends with benefits or something like that?"

I blushed. "No. Jesse was like my best friend. But our relationship was…complicated."

"There was a lot of past tense in that sentence. Did he…die or something?"

_Or something_, I thought. "No, he just…moved." That was technically true.

"So, you were in love with him?"

"How did you? I-I mean no."

Julian looked at me incredulously. "Right."

"OK, this is so none of your business." I said and maneuvered around one of the doors that opened.

Students started streaming into the breezeway. I headed to my locker. It turns out that Julian's locker was right next to mine.

"You were, weren't you?" Julian asked.

"I was what?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"You were in love with that Jesse guy?"

"Hey Suze. Who's Jesse?" A voice asked from beside me.

I turned to look at CeeCee Webb, my best friend. She was looking from me to Julian.

"Hey CeeCee." I said and closed my locker.

"Are you going to introduce me to your new…friend?" CeeCee asked and looked Julian up and down.

"Right. CeeCee, this is Julian Diego. Obviously, he is new. Julian, this is my friend CeeCee Webb." I said.

"Nice to meet you Julian." CeeCee said. "So, Suze, who's Jesse?"

I slammed my locker. "No one." I said and headed to my next class.

"Hey Suze, aren't you forgetting something?" Julian called to me.

I turned to look at him. "I don't think so."

"Did you forget that you're supposed to show me around?" He asked with a smirk.

Shit. I had forgotten about that. "Well, are you just going to stand there like an idiot, or what?"

Julian's smirk got even wider as he walked up to me.

"Let me see your schedule." I said to him.

He handed me a piece of paper. "Aren't we going to be late?" Julian asked.

I looked up to see that the breezeway was almost empty. I shrugged. "I have an excuse."

"And that would be?"

I looked up and smirked back at him. "I have to help the poor challenged new student find his way around the school."

Julian narrowed his eyes at me. "Do you have to be such a bitch? So what I know you were in love with Jesse, big fucking deal."

"It is a big deal. Especially when you mention him in front of my friend who, by the way, didn't know about Jesse. I never planned on telling her. Now guess what?"

"What?"

"I fucking _have_ to tell her now, because CeeCee will not be placated with 'no one'. So thanks so fucking much."

"God Suze, take it down a notch. And while you're at it you might want to take that stick out of you ass."

_This smug son of a bitch did _not_ just say that_, I thought. I swear I was so close to punching him. I would've done it to, but I didn't want detention on the first day back.

"We have the same class this period." I said while I clenched my teeth together.

Julian got this smug look on his face; he knew he hit a nerve. "That's the best you can come up with?" He asked.

"If you like all your teeth in place, I suggest you don't continue to piss me off." I said. I wasn't messing with him either. I had kicked plenty of asses in my day. Albeit those asses belonged to ghosts, but they still counted.

"Ms. Simon. Don't you have a class to get to?" A voice rang through the breezeway. I turned to see Sister Ernestine—with her gigantic chest and even bigger crucifix decorating it—came barreling down upon us, the large black sleeves of her habit trailing after her like wings.

"I'd like to see you, the both of you, in detention after school." Sister Ernestine said.

"Father Dominic asked me to show Julian around because he's new." I tried to argue.

"That may very well be, but you still have to follow the rules. And the rules clearly say tardiness results in detention. Get to class. Now." She said.

I rolled my eyes and walked toward my next class, with Julian behind me. I muttered under my breath about how a nun shouldn't be as evil as Sister Ernestine was.

I guess Julian heard what I had said because he snickered under his breath. "Geez, you are such a bitch." He whispered.

"Fuck off, Julian." I snapped as we reached the door to our class. Julian did something I didn't expect.

He opened the door for me.

_Damn him._ He shouldn't be so nice to me when I mad at him. But that act was purely Jesse, and I couldn't help but smile at him. "Thank you." I whispered and walked into class.

I immediately notice all the girls in the class look at Julian. I'm pretty sure they were undressing him with their eyes.

None of these girls better even come near him. He was mine.

Sorta.

Okay, not really, but Jesse _was_ mine. And seeing as Jesse's soul was in Julian's body, it made him mine too.

I apologized to the teacher and went to an empty seat. Thankfully the only other empty seat was next to mine.

When Julian sat down the teacher started talking. "As I was saying before Ms. Simon interrupted, the person sitting to your right will be your partner throughout the year."

_Yes!_ Julian was to my right. I resumed my mental happy dance from earlier. Julian was _my_ partner.

When I looked over at Julian he looked at me. We rolled our eyes at the same time. Then we both smiled at each other.

I looked away and saw that practically every girl was giving me the death glare. It was a total 'if looks could kill' moment. I wanted to laugh because we mediators are very hard to kill.

Many a ghost had tried to kill me.

I sat there and tried to pay attention, but really I was trying not to ogle Julian. I wondered if Jesse was aware of what was going on. I wondered if he could see me, or sense me.

Most of all I wondered if he could ever come forward. I wanted very badly to talk to him. To finally get a chance to tell him how I feel about him. I wanted to tell him that I knew he was in love with he and I wanted to yell at him for not telling me sooner.

A folded up piece of paper landed in front of me. I looked at it and then at Julian, I knew he had thrown it.

_Throwing paper? How mature_, I thought.

_Read it_, he mouthed at me.

I rolled my eyes and opened it as discreetly as possible. I read what it said.

_Are you mad at me?_ He wrote.

I half smiled and wrote back. _So what if I am. _I threw it back at him.

He frowned slightly, wrote, and then threw it back. _I'm sorry._ It said. _Please don't be mad at me Suze._

I looked over at him. He looked back at me with those eyes. There was genuine sadness in them, a lot like Jesse's. His eyes made me melt and I sighed. _Okay, I forgive you. But please don't bring up Jesse anymore. At least not in front of my friends, I don't want them to know about him._

I tossed it back.

He wrote and tossed it back. _Thank you for forgiving me. So you said I couldn't bring Jesse up in front of you friends, but am I free to ask about him when we're alone? And why don't you want your friends to know you were in love with him?_ He asked

I tried not to smile to widely. He asked if we'd be alone. I certainly hoped we would be. _I wouldn't mind talking about him, but only when we're alone. I don't want my friends to know because they don't know who Jesse was, and it is far to complicated to explain._ I sent it back.

The note landed on my desk again. _When __exactly__ do you want to be alone with me? _I rolled my eyes at the underlined 'exactly'. _Would you explain your relationship with Jesse to me?_

_Why are you so interested in Jesse?_ I wrote back.

_Any guy would be curious __about__ potential competition._

I snorted. _You don't have to worry about it. I don't think Jesse's coming back._ Okay, so I didn't know that for sure, but either way he wouldn't be competition. They were in the same body for Christ's sake.

_Okay, but if he did. Come back, I mean. Would he be competition?_

I was about to write back when the teacher spoke. "Okay, that's all for today class. See you tomorrow. Ms. Simon? Mr. Diego? Can I speak to you?"

I sighed and shook my head. We were caught.

Julian and I approached the teacher's desk.

"I would appreciate it if, next class, the two of you refrain from passing notes in my class. I tolerated it today because it is the first day back. But if I see the two of you passing notes from now on I will not be so lenient. Am I understood?" She asked.

Julian and I nodded and walked out of class.

"Is it your sole purpose to get me in trouble?" I asked Julian.

"Me? You're the one who got me detention." Julian said as we walked to our lockers.

"But you had to go and start passing me notes. As if the conversation couldn't wait until lunch." I said as I took my books out of my locker.

"Most of the conversation could've waited, but since I'm not allowed to talk about _him_ in front of your friends, I wanted to know." We started toward our next classes; we didn't have that class together. "So would he?" Julian asked.

"Would who?" I asked.

"Jesse." He whispered into my ear. I got many dirty looks from a lot of the girls. "Would he be competition?"

I stopped at the doors to the classroom. "This is your class." I pointed to one door. "My class is next door. See you after class." I said and started to walk away.

I felt Julian's hand wrap around mine. "Not until you answer my question." He said.

His touch had a curious effect on me. I felt heat and electricity flow from him to me. I looked at him–up at him–and my heart started beating faster.

Great. This is just what I need. A crush on the guy my true love's soul is in. I was being punished.

"How about I answer it after school. When you give me a ride home." I said. I was slightly stunned by my boldness.

We stared at each other in silence for a few minutes before Julian spoke. "Okay, I'll give you a ride. But you'll start explaining your relationship with Jesse."

I smiled. "I told you. It's complicated."

I wouldn't be able to _un-_complicate it unless I told Julian that Jesse was a ghost. Yeah, like that was going to happen.

Julian smiled and leaned closer to me, bringing his face closer to mine. "I guess I'll just have to keep up." I whispered and looked deep into my eyes.

I couldn't help but let my eyes wander down to his mouth.

_Holy hell,_ I thought. _His lips look so damn kissable._

"See you after class." I whispered and turned around. I smiled while I tried to control the sixteen-year-old giggling school girl inside me.

I definitely liked Julian.

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A/N: I'm not quite sure if this is actually being read, but whatever. Please review if you want to find out exactly how this plays out. Trust me, it'll get good.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing. Not Mediator and sadly not Jesse either. I do, however, own Julian he is a figment of my own imagination.

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait guys. It's a bit random, but it needs to happen.

****************************************************************************************************

Chapter 3

I walked to my next in a daze of sorts. All I could think about was the feeling I had gotten when Julian had touched me.

It made me wonder if it was because if him or because of Jesse.

Either way, I was attracted to Julian. I was warm for his form. For now it ended at a physical attraction. Somehow I doubted it would go deeper than that. After all, my heart belonged to Jesse.

And that's where it got complicated and confusing. I loved Jesse, who was in Julian's body. Did that mean I was in love with Julian too? Would I end up falling in love with Julian too?

Damn it, why can't falling in love be easy?

Seriously, why does it have to be so fucking difficult?

I continued my mental tirade as I walked into class. I groaned internally when I saw CeeCee sitting towards the back, with an accusing look on her face, and an empty desk behind her.

_Perfect_, I thought, _just perfect. I am so gonna kill Julian later_.

Ok so I wouldn't technically kill him, but a good punch to the gut would suffice.

I took a deep breath and headed for the empty desk. As I passed CeeCee, she handed me a piece of paper.

_Great, more notes._ I thought.

I sighed heavily and sat down. A glanced at the teacher quickly, you know, to make sure he wasn't paying attention.

I unfolded the note. _What,_ she demanded, _is with you and New Guy?_

I rolled my eyes. CeeCee knew perfectly well that his name was Julian.

_Nothing, Father Dominic asked me to show him around. That's all. I wrote and handed it back to her._

_Fine, but who is this Jesse guy and why does New Guy know about him when I don't? She wrote back._

_Ok, first off New Guy has a name. His name is Julian. Okay? Second, I told you that Jesse was no one. Will you please let it go?_

_I thought I was your best friend, Suze. Why won't you tell me? You know you can trust me._

I read what she wrote, and I instantly felt guilty for lying to her. Damn CeeCee and her guilt trips. I sighed._ Jesse was a guy that I met. He moved, end of story._

I watched CeeCee shake her head as she read the note. She wasn't going to be satisfied until I told her everything, which I was not going to. No matter how much she guilt tripped me.

_Why does New...Julian know about him? Why did you tell him first?_

_Oh, my God,_ I thought_. Now I really am going to kill Julian._

I wrote:_ I didn't tell him on purpose, okay? It sorta slipped out because Julian reminds me of Jesse. Jesse was just a friend of mine. That's it, I swear._

I hoped I wouldn't get stuck by lightning for lying to CeeCee. I mean, we were in a church after all. Not that I'm catholic or anything, but it seems a bit sacrilegious to me.

CeeCee sighed as she read it. _Okay, I believe you. So…do you like Julian?_

I felt a slight blush roll across my face. _Cee, I barely met him._

_So, that doesn't mean anything. You can still like him. He has this whole badass vibe to him. It's kind of hot._

I almost choked when I read what she had written. _Well, yeah I like him. He's hot. And to be honest I was already wondering what it would be like to kiss him but I don't really think he'd be interested in me. Not when he's got every girl in the school already lusting after him. I wouldn't doubt it if, after this class, he doesn't even talk to me anymore._

CeeCee let out an exasperated sigh. _Don't sell yourself short Suze, not all guys go after the Kelly/Debbie type. He'd be an idiot if he did go after them._

_Yeah, well, we'll see right?_

_Trust me; he'll end up going after you._

I folded the paper and stuck it in my pocket. I gave myself a mental pat on the back. I had gotten CeeCee off of the Jesse subject … for now.

I tried to pay attention in class but I kept thinking about Jesse. I wondered if Father Dominic was making any progress in his research. Would there ever be a way for me to talk to Jesse? God, I hoped so.

If Jesse ever did come forward it would be a little weird talking to him but looking at Julian.

God, does everything have to be so hard? When I talk to Jesse I want to be able to see Jesse. You know, with his white shirt all open so I can see his unbelievably awesome chest and drool-worthy abs. Or his tight black pants that hugged his butt. Not to mention that sexy scar in his right eyebrow.

"Okay that's all for today. See you all tomorrow." The teacher said.

Dammit, I haven't learned anything today. Well other than two souls can inhabit one body, but where's that gonna come in handy?

I was debating whether or not to just wait for Julian or go ahead and go to lunch without him. I didn't have to escort him everywhere. He'd find out where to go for lunch.

I was about to walk away when I saw him. Holy fuck, he's hot, I thought. I'm pretty sure I was looking at him like I wanted to eat him, but I could find it in me to look away.

"What the fuck is up with that look?"Julian asked when he reached me.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said and headed to the courtyard.

Julian and I walked, in silence, to lunch. Fuck, I thought, I knew he wouldn't talk to me after that last class.

I showed him where to buy lunch and that's when it happened.

"Julian!" Someone called to him. I recognized that voice. It was Dopey.

_NOOOOOOOOOOO!_

"Hey Suze, would you mind if I sit with the guys." Julian asked.

NO! Not that guy. Sit with anyone but that guy. I wanted to yell at him. But I had to keep it cool. "You wanna sit with Brad?" Revulsion and incredulity colored my voice.

"Is he your ex-boyfriend or something?" Julian asked.

"Oh, that's fucking disgusting, just eww." Hey, I said I'd keep my cool. I didn't say I'd do it nicely. "If you want to, go ahead."

"What's wrong with Brad? He's pretty cool."

I looked at Julian with pity. "Julian, you just lost points with me. Anyone who thinks Brad Ackerman is cool should be punched … repeatedly… and very hard."

"Why don't you like Brad? Again I ask, is he your ex-boyfriend?"

"Again I say, fucking disgusting. Brad's my step-brother."

"Oh." He paused. "So do you mind if I sit with them?"

Why was he asking me for permission? "Why are you asking me for permission? I mean, yeah it'll bother me, but it's not like I have the right to tell you no."

"Ok." He started to walk away but turned back to look at me. "Suze, do you still have our note?"

"Yeah I have it. It's in my pocket."

"Can I have it, there's something I wrote on the back that I need."

I nodded and gave it to him.

"Thanks." He said. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and the walked away.

The CHEEK! Why the cheek? Julian is a fucking tease.

I blinked rapidly and walked over to CeeCee and my other friend Adam McTavish.

I sat down heavily.

"The cheek?" CeeCee voiced my thought out loud.

"Don't even start. I'm frustrated enough as it is." I said.

"So what's up with New Guy?" Adam asked.

I glared at CeeCee who smiled, her braces flashing in the sun. "His name is Julian. And nothing's up with him." I said.

"Ok, so what's up with _you and him?" _Adam asked.

"Oh, my god. Nothing." I snapped defensively.

Adam raised an eyebrow at my defensiveness, but said nothing.

I stuck my hand into my pocket, to get the note I was writing to CeeCee. I was going to rip it up so no one could read it.

I swear I almost screamed. Why? Because the letter I held in my hand was the letter I had written to Julian. Meaning Julian had the letter that CeeCee and I were writing.

_Oh. My. GOD!_ I thought.

"What? What happened?" CeeCee asked.

Well I thought I had thought it. I guess I said it out loud.

"Earth to Suze." CeeCee said. "What's wrong?"

"I accidently gave Julian the note you and I were writing." I whispered.

"What? Suze what is wrong with you? Why would you do that?" CeeCee whispered back.

"I forgot I had put them in the same pocket. Oh my god. He's gonna read that I like him. I wrote that I had wanted to kiss him." I dropped my head. Please let the ground open up and swallow me. I prayed.

At that moment I felt someone staring at me. Their gaze was burning a hole in the side of my face. Oh fucking crap, I thought, I think he read it.

"Cee, I think he read it. Can you see if he's staring, but don't make it obvious." I whispered.

I watched her glance around furtively. "Oh he's staring at you all right." She said to me.

"How does he look?" I have never felt like such a teenage girl before.

"He is looking at you like he wants to eat you." CeeCee said with a giggle.

A wide smile broke across my face. "Really?"

"Yeah." She leaned in to whisper in my ear. "And when I say 'he wants to eat you' I mean that in the naughtiest way possible."

I burst out laughing. "Really?" I asked again.

"Yeah."

"Well, guess I'll tease him a bit." I smiled and crossed my legs, which caused my skirt to ride up a little. The burning sensation from Julian's stare shifted from the side of my face to, as I had planned, my legs … and my thighs.

"So what are you going to do? Are you gonna wait for him to say something or are you going to say something?" CeeCee asked.

"I think I already said enough. So I'm going to let him do whatever he wants to do with the information." I said. "If he wants to ignore me I won't say anything. And if he wants to fucking kiss me senseless, well I'll gladly oblige."

"Do you still have to show him to his class?" CeeCee asked.

Adam, who had been silent throughout the entire lunch period, said "You are aware that Kelly Prescott is gunning for New Guy too, right?"

I scoffed. "Kelly Prescott can suck my big toe. I saw Julian first." She better back the fuck off, I thought, Julian is mine.

Alright, alright I know he doesn't belong to me and he's not my boyfriend. I know I don't have a right to be possessive toward Julian. Oh, wait yeah I do. Jesse, nuff said.

Adam and CeeCee were still laughing at the 'suck my big toe' comment when everyone started leaving for their next classes.

I stood up and was smoothing out my skirt when Kelly Prescott and her bitchy ass friends walked by.

"Yeah, I'm gonna ask Julian out. I have him next class, I'll ask him then." Kelly said a little too loud.

Aw fuck no, I thought, I'll break your fucking fingers if you do. I looked up to glare at her. Up until she caught my gaze she had a huge smirk on her face. When she saw the burning white rage and hatred shooting from my eyes it faded and she and her minions scurried away.

I grinned widely and turned around in time to see Julian approach me. His dark eyes were scrutinizing my face.

"What the fuck is up with that look?" I asked, repeating his phrase to him.

He smirked and shrugged his shoulders.

"Whatever." I said and started walking to my locker.

Julian followed behind me. "So I guess I should tell you." He said.

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"You gave me the wrong note. I think it was one you were writing to your friend." He said and ran a hand through his hair. It was a habit I had seen Jesse perform hundreds of times and it almost brought tears to my eyes.

"I did?" I said in a surprised voice. "You didn't read it, did you?"

"No." He lied. "Well I read the beginning, but when I noticed it wasn't the right one I … uh … stopped."

I narrowed my eyes at him and watched him squirm. Then I smiled. "Okay." I said cheerily and headed to the next class.

"You believe me?" He asked.

"No. I'm pretty sure you saw your name mentioned in it and curiosity got the better of you." I said. "I am aware of what it said. I know you read it because shortly after I gave it to you I felt your eyes burning a hole on the side of my face."

"Did you give it to me on purpose?"

"No. When I realized I gave you the wrong one I fucking flipped out."

"Why?"

"Because it's a little embarrassing."

"I don't think so."

"Not for you, but it is for me." I stopped in front of his class. "Your class" – I pointed to his class. "My class" – I pointed down the breezeway.

"See you later." He said. He turned to go into his class.

I had to warn him about Kelly. "Julian?" I called.

He walked back to me smiling. "Yeah."

"Um, just a heads up, Kelly Prescott is gonna ask you out in class."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I just thought I'd warn you."

He took a step closer to me. Our bodies were almost touching. I could feel and hear the electric current around us

"You're not jealous, are you?" Julian asked.

"Of Kelly? No."

"Uh-huh."

I gasped as he wrapped an arm around my waist and closed the few remaining inches between us. Before I could comprehend what was happening, he caught my lips with his own. The kiss was strong but over quickly. There was no tongue or anything.

"I know you were wondering what it would be like to kiss me." Julian whispered.

And then he just fucking walked away.

****************************************************************************************************

**A/N: **Ok so this chapter was a little random, but I felt it needed to happen. I thought Suze could use some normalcy.

She hardly gets to act like a normal teenager and her crush on Julian is normal … minus the fact that his body his harboring Jesse's soul.

It's gonna get interesting from here.

In the next chapter Julian meets a certain one-eared friend of Suze's. Julian's secret is revealed. And Suze has a chat with an old friend.

Oh and as for the 'suck my big toe' thing. Yeah it's stupid, but my sister used to always say that to me. It was her way of cussing me out without getting in trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing. Mediator, yeah that belongs to Meg Cabot.

**A/N:** I'm gonna try and cut back on the cussing. But just for Suze. Julian's gonna keep cussing cause that's how he rolls.

_In my last A/N I know I said in the next chapter Julian meets a certain one-eared friend of Suze's. Julian's secret is revealed. And Suze has a chat with an old friend._

Sorry about that, I meant _**chapters**._

That doesn't all happen in this chapter.

Sorry._

* * *

  
_

**Chapter 4**

I spent the rest of the day in a sort of stupor. I heard nothing. I saw nothing. All I felt was Julian's lips on mine for that brief second.

Before I knew it I was in detention.

_What is going on here? _ I thought. _I barely met him. I know nothing about him._

Another little voice popped into my head. _You barely knew Jesse_, it said.

Ok, so that was true, but I was getting to know him. _And he had to go and move on._ I added sullenly.

_And that was your fault_, my new inner voice said.

My eyes filled with tears. I wanted to yell, "I know it's my fault."

I was taking a deep breath to calm myself when a piece of paper hit the side of my head and landed on my desk.

I opened the folded paper.

_What's wrong with you?_ I recognized Julian's writing.

It _is_ his sole purpose to get me in trouble. There we were, in detention, and he was passing notes to me. Well, _throwing_ notes _at_ me.

I wrote back. _Nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?_ I tossed the note back to Julian.

I hoped Mrs. Elkins, the teacher in charge of watching over detention, wouldn't notice the piece of paper flying back and forth across the room.

Julian shook his head and wrote back. The paper landed in front of me. _You looked like you were about to cry. What's wrong? Seriously._

I felt touched. He was watching me.

_Nothing's wrong, seriously._ I wrote back.

_Suze, don't fucking lie to me. I can tell something's wrong. Tell me._ He wrote.

Damn him.

_There's nothing to tell. I'm fine._

_Stop fucking lying. You've been acting weird since earlier, when I kissed you. Did my kissing skills dazzle you?_

I almost laughed out loud when I read the note. _I've had better._ I wrote back.

Technically, I had only been kissed once before. I remember that night clearly.

Tad Beaumont had kissed me in his car, but I couldn't really care less about the kiss. What I remember is Jesse's reaction to catching me frenching some random guy in a car. Even though he said he wasn't, I knew Jesse was jealous.

The paper landed back in front of me. I smiled in anticipation of his answer. I knew Julian would not take that comment lightly.

_Is that so?_ He wrote. _Well I guess I'm gonna have to change that._

I rolled my eyes. _I seriously doubt you can._ I teased.

_We'll see about that._

I shook my head and put the note in my pocket.

The rest of detention flew by quickly. I could hardly contain my excitement as I wondered whether or not Julian would really keep his threat or promise or whatever it was.

Truth was Julian's kiss, however brief and chaste it was, was a thousand times better than Tad's full fledged French.

Is it dumb for me to think that? Never mind don't answer that.

Anyway, I made my way out of detention with every intention of walking home. I knew Dopey wouldn't have waited for me.

I'd started walking toward the gate when I felt someone's arms wrap around my waist. My first instinct was to hit.

"Did you forget that I'm giving a ride home?" Julian's deep voice whispered close to my ear.

I fought to keep the smile off of my face and the keep the shiver from running through my body.

"Yes, I actually _did_ forget." I said. I meant it too. After that kiss he gave me, I hardly managed to remember my name. Is that stupid?

Julian sighed in frustration. "Damn it Simon, you're going to make me lose my mind."

"Why do you say that?" I asked sweetly.

"First you tell me that you've had better kisses than mine. Now you're saying that you forgot me. If that's not enough to make me lose my mind than I don't know what is."

I chuckled lightly. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Diego."

_Holy hell,_ I thought. _Diego. His last name is Diego. There was no way he was related to _those_ Diego's … was there? Was he?_

"True. But this might." He whispered and pressed his lips to the soft spot of my skin, just below my ear.

"Mmm. Nope, still not getting you anywhere." I said. Yes, I lied. So sue me. I wasn't about to turn into mush with him still right here.

Julian sighed again. "Come on, let's go." He said.

He led me to his car. While he had his back was to me I let my idiotic, goofy grin come forth.

_Oh, my god,_ I thought. _His lips felt so good against my skin._ I swear I could still feel his lips there. I wanted to ask him to do it again.

So, I'm not all that great when it comes to cars, but I knew enough to know that the black car Julian lead me to was a Mustang. (The Mustang logo on the front was a dead giveaway.)

It was a newer model and a convertible. Which lead me to the conclusion that Julian's parents weren't hard up for money.

Julian opened the passenger door for me. I put my hand to my heart in an _'Aww, I'm so touched'_ gesture. Which I was. All of his gentlemanly-ness reminded me so much of Jesse.

I blinked back the tears that filled my eyes, as Julian climbed into his car.

He turned on the car and put down the top. "Before I take off, give me directions." He said.

Once the directions were given he smiled. "You might wanna buckle up." He said with a sly smile.

I furrowed my eyebrows but complied.

As soon as the seat belt clicked into place Julian shifted gears and peeled out of the school parking lot.

We sped down the streets of Carmel. The rational part of my mind was screaming out in panic but my less rational side was oddly turned on.

I mean, you would be too if you were speeding down the street in an awesome car, sitting next to an extremely hot guy.

The only thing I was bummed about was the fact that his fast driving got us to my house a lot quicker.

Julian and I sat, on the hood of his car, outside my house.

"So which window is yours?" Julian asked.

"Well, that's a little forward." I said.

"You never know. I might need to sneak in … or out."

"That's pretty presumptuous of you."

"Damn, you're fucking sexy when you use big words.

Shit, I almost blushed. I raised my eyebrows at him. "Well, you're not the first guy to tell me that." Yes, I lied again. Big deal. He doesn't know I'm lying.

"You are fucking lying."

Oh crap.

"What makes you think that?" I challenged. "For all you know the guy who kisses better than you, told me the exact same thing."

Julian slipped off of the car and stood in front of me.

"Like I said earlier, I'm gonna have to change that." He said and pulled my face to his.

He took my bottom lip into his mouth and proceeded to suck on it. I didn't really know what to do but, acting on instinct, I took his top lip in between my teeth.

Julian ran his tongue over my lip so I did the same thing to him.

He pulled away and looked into my eyes. I was startled to see that his already dark eyes were impossibly darker. They were shining and dark with lust.

"Still think you've had better?" He asked

I smiled deviously. "Yes."

Julian narrowed his eyes at me and covered my lips with his. Using his own lips, Julian forced mine open.

His tongue slid against mine, pulling it into his mouth. Soon our tongues were battling for control.

Julian wrapped his arms around my waist and mine wound around his neck. I let my fingers twist into his dark hair that brushed down thick and a little curly at the nape of his neck. My fingernails teased the soft skin there before I fisted my hands into his hair.

Julian pulled away and we were both gasping for air.

"Still think you've had better?" He asked again.

I chuckled. "You're getting there."

Julian's eyes still glinted with lust, but now there was also mischief. I'm pretty sure he knew I was lying. His lips attacked mine anyway,

One of Julian's hands slipped down my waist and made it's way to my thigh. It traveled further still to my knee.

My hands, of their own volition, slid down his chest and kept going. They inched their way under his shirt. I ran my hands over his abs.

They weren't as deeply ridged as Jesse's but, damn, they were still well defined.

_Son of a crap_, I thought. _I think this guy is perfect_

Julian's hand slipped up a bit, pushing my skirt up. His hand rested on my bare thigh. He pressed his fingertips deeply into my flesh and dragged them back toward my knee.

Needless to say, that action caused me to moan deeply, and quite embarrassingly, into Julian's mouth.

I moved my hands around his back and sunk my fingernails into his skin. Julian groaned into my mouth.

I had _never_ made a guy do _that_ before.

Cue the mental happy dancing.

We pulled apart, our breathing ragged, Julian smirked. "Ok, I _know_ you've never had better than _that_."

I smirked back at him. "Well, it was not the worst."

Julian growled, yeah he growled. "Now I know you're fucking lying."

I pecked his lips again. "Whatever makes you happy." I said. I hopped off of the car and smoothed out my skirt.

Julian stood there glaring at me.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to walk me to the door?" I asked.

He made no attempt to move. He just kept glaring at me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Guys can never take a joke." I muttered. "I was lying Julian. Okay?"

Julian blinked. "You were lying about what?" He asked.

"About the whole kissing thing. About how I've had better. I've only ever been kissed one other time."

To say that Julian looked surprised would be a serious understatement. "You've only ever been kissed _one_ other time?" Julian repeated incredulously.

I felt myself blush. "Yes, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't rub it in." I said.

Julian walked up to me. "You're so fucking cute when you blush." He whispered into my neck. He wrapped an arm around my waist and lead me to my house.

I wasn't ready for him to leave just yet, so we opted to sit on the porch steps. Very close together. Julian kept stroking my face, my lips, and my neck,

"It didn't really seem like you didn't know what you were doing. When we were kissing, I mean." Julian said as he traced my lips.

I smirked at him. "I guess kissing you just comes natural to me."

Julian was about to say something when the big orange nightmare that is Spike came into view.

He walked right up to Julian and meowed. Demanding to be petted.

Julian looked at Spike confusedly.

You'd be confused to if a fat, orange ball of fur came up to you and started meowing at you.

"I think he wants you to pet him." I said.

When Julian scratched Spike behind his one ear the dumb cat started purring so loud.

It was my theory that Spike could sense Jesse.

_Why the hell can everyone, but me, sense Jesse?_ I thought.

"Is this cat yours?" Julian asked.

"Yeah, his name is Spike by the way."

"You named your cat Spike?"

"No. He was given to me."

"That explains it. I'd never peg you as the type to own a one-eared cat."

"Yeah, well technically I don't own him. He comes and goes. He doesn't even like me, he only tolerates me because I feed him."

Julian smiled and kept petting Spike.

_Lucky cat_, I thought. _Always getting hot guys to pet him._

"I'm surprised he's even letting you pet him. Spike doesn't really like people. He's only let one other person pet him." I said.

"Who would that be?" Julian asked.

"Jesse."

Julian halted in petting Spike.

_Uh-oh_, I thought. _Maybe I shouldn't have brought up Jesse._

Julian cleared his throat and started petting Spike again. "So, will you explain your relationship with Jesse to me now?" His voice sounded weird, as if he was trying to keep it smooth.

I sighed. "You're seriously asking me about Jesse? Right now?"

"Yeah. Why are you so reluctant to talk about it?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because it hurts to talk about him!" I yelled. "He's been gone two months and it _still_ hurts. I don't want to talk about how pathetic I was to fall in love with a g…"

OH. MY. GOD. I almost said ghost.

"A guy who only saw me as a friend." I finished.

Smooth, huh? Yeah, I rock under pressure.

"Jesse only saw you as a friend?" Julian asked.

"Yes." I think that's the truth too. I know he said he loved me but that could mean he loved me as a friend. He didn't exactly specify.

Julian reached up and brushed his thumb across my cheekbone. "That Jesse is one idiot." He whispered.

"Don't talk about him like that." I snapped.

Julian pulled his hand away from my face. He tried to keep an emotionless façade, and his face betrayed nothing. His eyes, however, did.

His dark eyes were filled with hurt. I had hurt him?

Of course I could only guess at exactly what I did to hurt Julian. Was it because of the way I talked about Jesse? The way I defended him?

"Julian, I'm …" I started.

His eyes changed in an instant. They now shone with determination. "I have to tell you something." Julian said.

My eyebrows pulled together. "What?"

"You know how you warned me that Kelly Prescott was going to ask me out?"

"Yeah. Did she?"

"Yeah."

"You said no, right?"

"No. I said yes." He said bluntly.

I moved away from him quickly. "You what?"

"I told her yes. I figured I should, you know to be polite."

I felt my eyes fill up with tears. Don't ask me why, because I honestly don't know. I tried to blink them back as best I could.

"Do you know what's _polite_, Julian?" I asked. I hated how my voice wavered. I didn't even give him time to answer. "Not making out with someone after you've already accepted a date from someone else."

I stood up and so did Julian.

"Do you know what else is polite? Not accepting a date from Kelly after you had already kissed me." I said.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I guess Julian saw it because his eyes widened.

"Suze, I'm k …" He started.

"Leave me alone Julian." I said and walked to my front door.

"Suze." Julian said, trying to get me to listen to him.

I turned back to look at Julian one more time. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to me anymore, asshole."

"Suze." He said again.

I walked into my house and closed the door, not so gently.

I didn't want to push him away. _It's because of Jesse_, I told myself.

As I stormed to my room, I knew I was lying to myself.

I opened the door to my room. Two months of trying to get over Jesse were thrown out the window. Seeing the empty window seat made my tears spill out faster.

I walked over to the seat and sat down. I looked out the window and saw Julian sitting in his car, his head against the steering wheel.

I guess he felt me looking at him because he looked up and met my eyes.

I stood up and walked away. I heard his car start and the sound of the tires peeling out.

Damn, love sucks.

_WHAT!_ I thought. _Love? Great, that's just fantastic._

Could this get any worse?

* * *

**Julian's POV**

Don't ask me why I did that, because seriously, I have no fucking clue.

The way Suze was talking about Jesse …it kinda pissed me off. Even though she was upset her eyes were still shining with love. She still loves him. She still fucking loves him. And he's not even around anymore.

I wanted her to feel some of the hurt she made me feel.

Yeah, she fucking hurt me. And I only just met her.

I know I upset her, I saw it in her eyes.

I made her cry. Suze was right, I am an asshole. I wasn't trying to make her cry. I didn't even expect her to cry. I mean I only just met her, I shouldn't be this attached or attracted to her.

God, this is so fucked up.

I only wanted to hurt her a little. So I lied to her.

I don't have a date with Kelly.

As soon as I realized how much I actually hurt her I was going to tell her the truth. I swear I was, but she wouldn't let me talk.

Why am I so drawn to her? I felt some sort of strange connection to her when I met her in the priest's office. Something about her green eyes seemed so familiar.

I don't know how, but I _am_ going to make things right with Suze. Her hold on me is to strong to just walk away from her.

I'm determined to find out the reason for my attraction to her.

* * *

_**A/N:**_The end of this chapter is a little something I decided to throw in.

I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse in to Julian's mind. If you did, I promise to write more from his POV.

But you gotta leave reviews people.

I was going to hold back on Julian's POV until later, but I needed to explain why he did what he did. I couldn't let you think he was a jackass.

Although he kinda is for hurting Suze, but whatever.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own the Mediator or any of these characters (except Julian). They belong to Meg Cabot. I know, I know, I'm jealous too.

**A/N: **Ok, so, yeah … don't really know what to put right here. Oh, I know, I hope those of you that read the last chapter liked my little Julian POV. I'm hesitant to writing more from his POV. Y'all (yes I wrote _y'all_ I'm from Texas so give me a break) need to tell me if you want to hear more from him.

Oh and sorry it took so long. It's hard to write when you have to take care of three kids. And they're not even mine; they're my brother's kids.

OK anyway … let's get on with this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 5

I am officially going to give up on guys.

Yeah, that's right. I actually said that.

Guys are way too much trouble. OK, so, _sometimes_ they are worth it. And, yeah, I can't swear off guys forever. Maybe I'll just swear off the mysterious guy type. With their sexy smiles, awesome bodies, dark eyes, and freaking amazing kissing.

Oh, hell.

Julian was so lucky I was too upset earlier; otherwise I probably would've broken his nose.

It is still a tempting idea.

No. No, no, no. I don't need to get in trouble. Let alone get in trouble over a guy, especially one that obviously doesn't want me.

If Julian wants to go out with Kelly, well that's fine by me. I don't care.

Yes, I am in denial … no need to rub it in my face.

OK, I am changing the subject. I am not going to think and/or talk about _him_.

Oh, my God. Have I really subjected to calling him, _him_? Obviously yes. Yes I have.

Do you want to know what I'm doing to keep my mind off of him?

Absolutely nothing.

I'm lying on my bed supposedly doing my homework. I know what you're thinking. Who has homework on the first day back to school?

Apparently me.

I told my mom I was doing my homework. When, really, all I'm doing is staring at the paper hoping it will miraculously do itself.

"Ugh." I groaned and flipped over so I was lying on my back.

I wish Jesse were still here. That way I could have someone to talk to.

_Well Idiot, you told your only connection to Jesse not to talk to you anymore,_ My inner voice said.

Great. I tell you not to rub it in my face and my own inner voice starts doing it.

It's times like this, when I'm bored out of my skull, that I wish I had a ghost to mediate.

Whoa, I _never_ thought I'd ever think or speak those words.

"SUZE!" Doc yelled up the stairs. "PHONE!"

Honestly. Would it really take too much time to walk up the stairs and tell me?

I picked up to phone. "Hello?" I asked when I heard the downstairs phone hang up.

"Suze." The person on the other line said. I instantly recognized the smooth, deep voice.

_Holy Hell_, I thought.

I stayed quiet, to stunned to say anything. How the hell did _he_ get my number? I sure didn't give it to him.

"Suze? Are you there?" Julian asked.

I sighed. "What do you want?" I asked.

"I wanted a chance to talk to this really amazing girl I met today. I think I may have pissed her off and I want a chance to…"

"Well I think you dialed wrong. I can give you Kelly's number if you want it."

Don't say it. I am fully aware that I am being petty and childish. But in my defense I probably wouldn't have been acting like this if I had known he was going to call. I would've had time to calm myself down.

Which brings me back to, how the hell did he get my phone number.

Julian sighed in frustration. "Suze, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay Julian, I understand." I said in a sarcastic, false placating tone.

Julian obviously didn't catch it since he said, "You do?"

"Yeah. I understand that you are no different from other guys, although I was stupidly hoping that you were. The only thing I'm having trouble understanding is what the hell you were thinking."

"What do you mean?"

"Did you think I wouldn't mind you and Kelly going on a date while you and I were doing whatever it was that we were doing?"

Julian was stupid enough to say "No."

"No? You seriously thought I wouldn't mind. Are you freaking stupid?"

"I meant no, I wasn't thinking that. I wasn't thinking at all. Will you let me explain what happened?"

"I don't really want to hear whatever explanations or excuses you've come up with."

"Please Suze, just give me a chance. Please."

Oh holy Hell, he was practically begging me. I couldn't just tell him no. Well I could _have_ but I didn't want to. I sighed. "You've got two minutes before I hang up."

I said I didn't want to tell him no, I didn't really say I was going to be nice.

"OK. First off, I'm sorry. Really sorry. And, just so you know, you are an awesome kisser."

"Uh-huh. I'm still waiting for your explanation." I said curtly. I wasn't about to be sidetracked by his compliments on my kissing. But just for a moment, he said I was awesome!

Excellent.

"Oh right. Here's what happened. I l… fucking shit!" He yelled into the phone.

"Ow!" I yelled back. "That was my ear you just yelled in. What the hell happened?"

"I, uh, Suze can I call you back?"

"Uh no. You're lucky I'm even talking to you right now. I could've hung up when I found out it was you because I specifically remember telling you not to talk to me anymore." I said and remembered that there was something I had wanted to ask him. "By the way, how the hell did you get my phone number?"

"Listen Suze…"

"No, you listen, Julian. If you hang up I swear you'll never get a chance to explain again. So decide, are you going to hang up or can you keep talking?"

"Shit." He muttered. "Suze, please. I have something important to do. Will…"

"So obviously fixing things with me isn't important to you."

"I didn't say that. Will you please just let me call you back?"

"Your two minutes are up. Bye Julian."

"Suze wait…"

"I will repeat what I said earlier. You know, so your tiny boy brain can comprehend. Do not talk to me anymore." I said and hung up.

Ugh, I remember when I used to complain about not being a normal teenager. Now I regret it because being a teenager sucks.

"So who's Julian?" A voice asked from behind.

I jumped about a foot off of my bed. "Jeez." I exclaimed and to face my visitor. "Dad!"

"Who's Julian?" My dad asked again.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop."

"What kind of dad would I be if I didn't listen in on your conversations? What did this boy Julian do to upset you?"

"Dad, you want to talk about my boy problems?"

My dad looked contemplative. "It's not my favorite topic but yes."

"Well you may want to but I sure don't."

"Suze, you haven't been all that … cheery since Jesse moved on." My dad said.

Oh sure, kick a girl when she's already down.

"You're usually sad, but right now you're angry and … hurt?" He said the last word as if he had never seen me hurt before. "What did he do?"

"Da-ad." I groaned.

"Su-uze." My dad replied in the same tone.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because you won't talk to your mother, so you're stuck with me."

I was about to say something when I caught another glimpse of light appear in my peripheral vision.

* * *

I turned to stare at the ghost that had just appeared in my room.

I looked over at my dad and grinned.

_Saved by the ghost_, I thought.

"I am sorry if I interrupted something. If you want I can come back." The ghost said.

"No!" I practically shouted. I didn't want to be left alone with my dad again. "I mean no, you're not interrupting." I said to the ghost.

I turned and smirked at my dad.

"You're not getting out of this so easily." My dad said. A second later he was gone.

I knew my dad was right. He would bring this conversation up again. Hopefully when he did I would be able to come up with some good excuses and diversions.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I looked up at my new ghost savior. I have never been happier to see a ghost, in my entire life, than I was at that moment.

Now, as you know, I am usually rude to ghosts but since this one just saved me from a very awkward conversation I think he deserves some kindness.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you mediation session." The ghost said.

"Trust me, I am glad you did. That wasn't a ghost I'm mediating that was my dad." I said. "So, how can I help you?"

"Oh, right. Well my name is Anthony Martin." He said.

I looked over at Anthony. He seemed to be as old as my dad, maybe a little older. He looked healthy to me, but then again ghosts never look like they did when they died. I mean, I don't see ghost walking around with their guts hanging out or anything. Seriously, that would be disgusting. Instead ghosts take the form of their bodies when they were most alive.

"So Anthony, what do you need me to do?" I asked.

"Well, you see, my death was rather sudden. A car accident a few months ago." Anthony said.

"You died a few months ago? Why are you barely coming for help?" I asked. Usually if a ghost needs help the come right away.

"I wasn't ready to leave my family."

"Do you know what's holding you back?"

"Yes. After my death my wife got stuck with the financial problems. My insurance money wasn't enough to help her. She had to leave our home, but there is money that I kept hidden, in a safe, still inside the house."

"And you want me to retrieve it and give it to your wife?" I finished.

"Yes. She really needs it."

"How much money is it?"

"$25,000."

"Holy hell. Sorry. OK, is that all you need me to do?"

"Yes."

"OK. Exactly where in the house is the money?"

Anthony gave me instructions on where the money was hidden. "I want to thank you so much." He said.

"No problem. It's what mediators do." I said.

"Try explaining that to the other mediator I visited before I came here."

"Other mediator? You mean Father Dominic?"

"I don't know Father Dominic. I'm talking about the young man." Anthony said "He wasn't very helpful. That's why I came to you." And he disappeared.

Young man? Aside from Father D I only know two other mediators, Jack Slater and … Paul.

I was panicking. Was I going to run into Paul? Would he really help Anthony? I had so many questions and no answers.

The only thing I knew was I had to get there first.

I waited until well past midnight before I snuck out of the house. Usually when I had to go mediate I took one of the bike that belonged to my step-brothers, but I learned how to drive over the summer; when I wasn't working or getting myself exorcised.

I dress in full mediator attire; black leggings, my leather jacket over my shirt, my black converse, and various other items.

I had to carry a backpack this time. You know, for the money.

I climbed out of my window and jumped off the porch roof. When my feet were on the ground I couldn't help but think about Jesse. He used to hate it when I snuck out.

And of course, thinking of Jesse made me think of Julian.

God, guys suck.

I continued my guys-aren't-worth-the-trouble-they-bring rant as I drove to Anthony's house.

I parked at the corner of the street and stealthily made my way to the back door of the house.

I peered inside the empty house, all was quiet. There was no movement, nothing.

_Excellent_, I thought. _I got here before the other mediator_. I really was glad; I didn't want to run into Paul.

I took a deep breath and reached for the key that was hidden in the plant next to the door. According to Anthony, no one was living here but there was still an alarm system. So, unfortunately for me, I couldn't break any of the windows. And I really felt like breaking something.

I unlocked to door and quickly made my way to the alarm pad. The alarm code was written on my hand. Once the alarm was deactivated I took a quick look around. The large house was still furnished; Anthony said it was because his wife knew she would get more money for it.

I made my way up to the second floor, where Anthony's office was. The top stair creaked, but it sounded like a bomb going off because it was so quiet.

I tiptoed, although I don't know why I did because there wasn't anyone here, to the door to the office. I opened the door and winced when it creaked loudly.

I walked to the shelf where the safe and money where hidden.

I had my back to the door.

I was about to enter the password to the safe when a hand covered my mouth.

I screamed, even though my mouth was covered. And then I rammed my elbow into the ribs of whoever it was.

"Fucking shit!" They yelled and let go of me.

Why did that phrase sound so familiar? I spun around and tried to see who it was. The guy was bent over clutching his side.

He looked up at me and my mouth fell open. It was _not_ who I expected.

"Julian?" I asked incredulously.

I thought I was seeing things.

* * *

**Julian POV**

The fuck?

What the hell was Suze doing here? I know she didn't live here.

I had been in the house five minutes, everything was quiet and I was trying to figure out the damn code for the safe.

_Fucking ghost_, I thought. _He didn't give me the damn combination._

I was about to resort to hitting the fucking thing when I heard the stair creak.

I couldn't afford to get caught breaking and entering, so I hid behind the door.

My jaw dropped when I saw Suze walk through the door.

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I wanted to scare her. I didn't fucking expect her to try and break my rib.

"Fuck Suze, I knew you were mad at me but I didn't think you were mad enough to beat me." I said as I rose to my full height. "I think you broke my rib."

"Oh, you'll live." She said acidly. "What are you doing here? Do you live here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I asked you first. I …" The look on her face made it seem as if she had just figured something out. "_You're_ the other mediator?"

"Yes." I replied quickly. Fuck, I just admitted I was a mediator. To Suze, no less. Wait, what did she say? "Wait, other? You … you're one too?"

"Yeah."

I ran my hand through my hair. Holy shit, she's a mediator too? "Fuck, I thought I was the only one."

"Oh, get over yourself." She said and turned back to the safe.

Oh yeah, she's still mad at me. "You're not going to be able to open it. It needs a code." I said.

"Well then, I guess it's a good thing I have the code." She retorted sarcastically.

She's fucking hot when she's mad. I walked up to her side. "How did you get it?"

She shrugged. "Um, Anthony gave it to me." She looked at over me.

"Who's Anthony?"

"The ghost we're helping. The reason we're here. Why don't you know his name? Oh that's right, Anthony said you weren't very helpful." She muttered.

"Yeah. I wasn't very helpful. You can thank yourself for that."

"Me?" She asked. "What the hell did _I_ do?"

"I didn't fucking feel like helping him because I was pissed as hell. He was the reason I asked if I could call you back." I admitted.

I watched Suze's eyes widened and fill with remorse. She blinked and looked away. _And here comes sarcastic Suze_, I thought.

"It's not my fault. Why didn't you just tell me?" She asked and turned back to the safe. She still hadn't opened it.

Whoa, I was all braced to take her sarcasm. I thought her question over. What kind of fucking question was that? "Why didn't I tell you? How about, you never gave me time to even fucking explain anything. Or how about the fact that I don't go around advertising the fact that I can see ghost? I mean seriously Suze, do you?"

"Do I what?" She asked.

Did she even hear a fucking word I said?

"Do you tell people that you're a mediator?"

"No." She said. "Now will you shut up so I can concentrate on this damn safe? The sooner I do the sooner I can get out of here."

Hell no, I did not want to stop talking. I wanted to tell her the truth about the Kelly thing. "Suze, listen about Kelly…"

She stopped working on the safe. She took a deep breath. "I told you to shut up." She whispered and started concentrating on the safe again.

I knew right away what she was doing. She was protecting herself. What I did hurt her and this was her way of trying not to look weak. She didn't want me to hurt her again, and she was going to do whatever she could to keep it from happening again.

But I had to fix things. I placed my hand over hers. "Suze, please."

* * *

**Suze POV**

I stopped breathing.

I think I might've died. I looked down at Julian's hand on mine and I got that annoying tickling feeling in my nose. I focused on keeping my tears at bay.

Julian reached up, tucked my hair behind my ear, and touched my cheek.

I jerked my face away from his touch. "Julian, just stop. Okay?" I looked up at him. "I don't want to hear your excuses, explanations, or justifications. They don't mean anything, just empty words. I don't care if you go out with Kelly. If you want to be like every other guy on this planet and get reeled in by the Kelly Prescotts of the world, go ahead. Just leave me alone."

I pulled my hand out from under his and quickly entered the code. I opened the safe and hastily started putting the money in the backpack.

Once everything was zipped into the backpack I shut the safe and walked out of the office.

I bounded down the stairs and back to the back door. I entered the alarm code and Julian and I were out the door. I threw the key back in the plant and started walking away.

Julian grabbed my wrist, pulled me away from the back door, and pushed me up against the side of the house.

"What the…?" I started.

"Caretaker." He whispered.

From where we stood, hidden by the shadows, I saw an older looking man walking toward the back door.

The old man was inches away from where we stood. He unlocked to door and walked into the house.

Julian and I remained where we were for a few more seconds.

I felt a shudder run through Julian's body.

I looked up at him and he looked down at me.

In the dimness of the shadows I saw his eyes widen slightly.

"What?" I asked.

He said nothing.

"Julian?"

He furrowed his eyebrows but still said nothing.

"What's your glitch?" With a pang of sorrow I remembered saying the same thing to Jesse. "Look will you just let me leave?"

He shook his head rapidly back and forth. And said the one word that made my heart hurt more than anything. "Querida?"

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

**A/N: Yes I am evil for ending it there.**

Ok, so y'all can guess at what's happening. I'm not going to say it, don't wanna give anything away.

You just have to wait for the next chapter.

I have a favor to ask of you. This is as close as I'll get to begging.

Please leave reviews; I need to know what y'all think of this fic.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the Mediator books or anything like that. Meg Cabot does.

**A/N:** I hoped you liked the last chapter.

I'm not going to waste your time with this so on to the chapter.

* * *

Previously in _Destined:_

_Julian and I remained where we were for a few more seconds._

_I felt a shudder run through Julian's body._

_I looked up at him and he looked down at me._

_In the dimness of the shadows I saw his eyes widen slightly._

"_What?" I asked._

_He said nothing._

"_Julian?"_

_He furrowed his eyebrows but still said nothing._

"_What's your glitch?" With a pang of sorrow I remembered saying the same thing to Jesse. "Look will you just let me leave?"_

_He shook his head rapidly back and forth. And said the one word that made my heart hurt more than anything. "Querida?"_

(A/N: Ha ha I just wanted to do that)

* * *

Chapter 6

I blinked up at Julian. Had I heard him correctly? Did he just call me Querida? I blinked back the tears that were rapidly filling my eyes.

"Susannah? Are you alright?" He asked again.

I was wrong. Julian's sole purpose isn't to get me in trouble; it's to hurt me constantly. "Why?" I whispered.

"Why what? Querida what's …?"

"Stop." I interrupted. "Stop calling me that. You can't call me that."

"But …"

"Julian, just leave me alone." I said and tried to walk away.

Julian grabbed my wrist. "Susannah, who is Julian? Did he hurt you?"

I slowly turned around to face Julian. I looked up at him. He was messing with me. Right? Julian was playing some sick joke, somehow he found out Jesse used to call me that. And then it dawned on me. "Jesse?" I asked.

"Yes, Querida. Are you alright?" He asked.

My hand flew to my mouth as I tried to stop the sob that was building in my chest. I blinked and the tears started falling. I threw my arms around him and I started crying into his chest. He seemed startled but eventually I felt his arms snake around me. He stroked my hair and started muttering in Spanish.

It was Jesse.

I took a deep breath and made myself stop crying. I pulled away and wiped my face. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"You don't have to apologized for crying, Querida." Jesse said.

"I wasn't apologizing for that." I said.

"Then what were you apologizing for?"

"It's my fault Jesse. It's my fault you left."

"Left? Querida, I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere."

Oh, my God. He doesn't remember moving on. He probably doesn't remember telling me he loved me. "You moved on Jesse." I whispered.

"No I didn't. I'm talking to you right now."

I shook my head and started fumbling around in my backpack for a mirror. "You did move on, Jesse. Look." I said and held up the mirror.

Jesse took it and stared into it. "Nombre de Dios." He whispered and looked up at me. "What happened?"

"You don't remember anything. At all?"

"I remember seeing you come into your room. You started crying. I to…" He shook his head. Did he remember what he had told me?

"I asked you what was wrong. That's all I remember." Jesse said.

"Remember when I went up to the shadowland to save you?" I asked.

"Yes." He said through clenched teeth.

"And I told you that CeeCee was writing the article about you murder?"

"Yes."

"Well, that article was the reason you moved on. You moved on because of me and I'm sorry." I said as my eyes watered again. "I wouldn't have done it if I had known you would leave, but you had promised. Remember? You said that the mystery surrounding your death wasn't what was holding you here."

"It's okay Querida. I'm back now that is all that matters."

"But you're not back. Jesse, your soul is sharing this body with another soul. This body belongs to somebody else. It's not yours."

"What does this mean?"

"I don't know. Father Dominic is doing research. He's never heard of this before."

"Whose body am I in then?"

"A new guy from my school. His name is Julian Diego."

I saw his eyebrow rise. If this was still Jesse's body I would've been transfixed on the scar that went through it.

"You said his last name is Diego?"

"Yeah, that caught my attention too. But really what are the chances that he is related to _those_ Diego's?"

"The chances are extremely great Querida, especially if he is from around here. Is he?"

"I don't know. I just met him yesterday."

Jesse nodded slowly. "What did he do that made you angry with him?"

"Nothing." I didn't like lying to Jesse, but I wasn't about to tell him that I had made out with Julian. Especially since I admitted to barely meeting him. "Jesse, can I ask you something?"

"Ask me anything."

"When you moved on, right before you were completely gone, you told me something."

"I did? What did I say?" He seemed a little fidgety. I think he did remember.

"You said _'Te amo, Querida.'_" I said.

"I did?" He asked again, looking down.

"Yes, you did. I figured out what it means, Jesse." I whispered. "I need to know how you meant it."

"What do you mean?"

"Did you mean you love me like a friend, or like how you loved your sisters? Or more than that?"

"Susannah, I…"

"Please Jesse, I need to know. The truth."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He looked into my eyes. "More, Susannah. It's always been more."

I dropped my gaze as I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was about to tell him how I felt, but when I looked up at him he stood there blinking. There was a clueless, lost expression on his face.

He was gone again.

Julian must have seen the tears sliding down my face. He took a step toward me, but I stepped away from him.

"Suze? What's wrong?" Julian asked.

I shook my head. "You have to tell Father Dominic." I whispered.

"Tell Father Dominic about what?"

"About you being a mediator."

"Why the fuck would I do that?"

Hearing him cuss reminded me that just a few seconds ago I was talking to Jesse. "Because Father Dom is a mediator too."

"Him too?"

"Yes."

"Anyone else I should know about?"

"Nobody that lives nearby, there are two brothers that live in Seattle." I said, thinking about Jack and Paul.

"You've met them?"

"No, Julian, I have not. I read about it in the mediator monthly newsletter."

"Why do you have to be so fucking sarcastic?"

I shook my head. "Tomorrow you'll tell Father Dominic."

"Why? What if I don't want to?"

"Either you tell him or I will, simple as that. And just so we're clear, I don't want you to talk to me anymore. I mean it this time." I took off running to where I had parked.

"SUZE!" Julian yelled after me.

* * *

**Julian POV**

What the fuck just happened?

One minute Suze and I were standing against the house, and the next thing I knew we were standing on the sidewalk and she was crying. I didn't even remember moving from the side of the house. She was telling me about Father Dominic being a mediator too.

And then she ran away from me.

I am seriously fucking clueless.

I briefly debated running after Suze, but decided to just drop it and leave her alone … for now.

I made my way to my car, trying to sort through what the hell was going on. I had never had a lapse in my memory before.

Damn, Suze is really fucking up my mind.

I drove home listening to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus **_(A/N: I couldn't find any other bands. If you haven't heard of them listen to them, they're awesome.)_** I tried to keep my mind on getting home and only that. But for some stupid reason I kept thinking of Suze. Where did she go? Did she get home alright?

Son of a bitch! Why do I care? That's a good question. Why _do_ I care? She obviously wants nothing to do with me.

_Well, that's your fault, dumb ass._ I thought.

"Ugh." I groaned and sped up. I flew down the streets.

OK here's what I need to do, I need to either explain things to Suze or let her go. Just thinking about letting her go made my chest tighten.

See, _that_!

That is not a normal feeling to have for someone you just met.

I pulled up in front of my house. Before I turned off my car I glanced at the clock. The green neon clock read _3:15__AM_. I sighed because I knew I had to go to school in a few hours.

Being a mediator sucks. It always cuts into my sleep. I wonder if Suze thinks the same thing.

Damn it! Can't I go five minutes without thinking about her?

_Obviously not_, I thought.

I hated my parents for making me change schools. I was fine at RLS.

I climbed up the porch steps and was about to walk through the doors when it opened before I touched the knob.

I stood there staring face to face with my dad.

* * *

**Suze POV**

After I ran away from Julian I sat in my mom's car for a while … a long while. I instantly regretted asking Jesse to be more specific about his love for me.

Why?

Because now I know he is in love with me and I can't be with him. It's not like I could've been with him while he was a ghost, but at least we could've seen each other.

I know I told Julian to stay away from me, but I seriously doubt I'm going to stick with it. I don't think I'm that strong.

Anyway, When I finally came around and started the car I almost decided to go straight home. And then I remembered that I had $25,000 in my backpack.

OK, I admit, I briefly thought about keeping it. It was only a second, but I knew I'd never be able to do it.

I headed in the direction of Anthony's wife's house. I debated how I would go about giving the money over.

I couldn't very well knock on the door. People tend to find it weird when teenagers show up on their doorstep, at strange hours, carrying large amounts of money. Trust me, I know. It happened once in Brooklyn.

So here's what I did. I put it on a separate bag. I walked up to a window and forced it open. Of course I forgot that most houses have alarms, a blaring sound resonated through the night. I dropped the bag and bolted.

Smooth, I know. After that I went home

Now here I was, sitting in second period trying not to look over at Julian. I could feel him look at me every couple of minutes.

I was thinking about what to do about Julian. I honestly couldn't just ignore him. If he tried to talk to me I don't think I'd tell him to leave me alone. But what confused me was why. Why wouldn't I tell him no?

Was it because of Jesse? Or Julian?

It's a toss up. Both of them take priority.

Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

_Love?_

Was I really in love with Julian? I've only known him for a day. Then again, I fell in love with Jesse pretty quickly too.

I was staring, unseeingly, at the front of the class. The teacher had just dismissed us. I was gathering my stuff when a piece of paper slid into my view.

I looked up to see Julian walking away from me. I took a deep breath and opened it as I stood up.

_I'm going to see Father Dominic right now. But, I really need to talk to you. Wait for me before lunch, please._

I walked toward my next class.

Should I give in and talk to him?

I guess we'll see.

* * *

**A/N:** Good? Yes? No?

As for the music Julian is listening to the exact song is _'Disconnected'_ by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, I might put a link on my profile.

I'm thinking about giving Suze a song … any suggestions?

OK so next chapter is going to start off with Julian, a first. It's going to be his conversation with Father D … well that's what I'm planning anyway.

I hoped you liked Suze's conversation with Jesse. I'll admit it, I got a little teary. Yes, I am that much of a dork.

Leave reviews and maybe I'll bring him out again … Ha ha I'll bring him back anyway.

If you want something to happen feel free to tell me, I'm open to suggestion.

Until next time.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the Mediator Meg Cabot does. And, to a lesser extent, she owns me.

**A/N:** I hoped you liked the last chapter.

I'm not sure if this chapter is all that good, but I had slight writer's block.

I'll apologize right now if this chapter really sucks.

* * *

Chapter 7

**Julian POV**

Damn, I feel like I'm about to confess to murder.

I've gone almost seventeen years without telling anyone I can see ghosts now here I am … about to tell a priest.

If I was being honest, which I rarely am, I'd admit that I am more nervous about talking to Suze after this.

Yeah, how messed up is that? I'm more worried about talking to her than I am about telling Father Dominic I am a mediator.

I haven't spoken and neither has Father Dominic. We are basically sitting here staring at each other.

I wonder how Suze told him. How she found out he was a mediator.

I sighed and Father Dominic cleared his throat.

I guess that's my cue.

I took a deep breath. "I'm a mediator." I blurted out. It actually came out sounding like nothing like that.

What? I was nervous.

Father Dominic shocked the shit out of me when he spoke. "I know." He said.

"What? You knew? How?" I asked "Did … did Suze tell you?"

"No, Susannah did not tell me. You told her?" Father Dom asked.

"No. We ran into each other last night while mediating the same ghost. How did you know I was a mediator?"

"The same way I knew Susannah was a mediator. I suspected that she might be one of us when I first heard her mother speak about her and her problems at her old school. I got the same thing from your mother."

"So you automatically assumed I was a mediator." That was a statement, not a question.

"I assumed, yes, but I was waiting for solid proof. With Susannah, I introduced her to Heather, the ghost of a young girl who attended this school."

"Did Suze freak?"

"She was surprised that _I_ was a mediator." Father Dominic said.

"What did she think of the ghost? What did she do?"

Father Dom frowned. "Susannah's mediation methods need refinement," was all he said.

"What does that mean? What did she do?" I asked again.

"She punched Heather."

I snickered I could totally see Suze punching a ghost. I had never resorted to that, but it had come pretty close.

"Does she do that a lot?" I asked.

"Unfortunately yes she does."

I laughed again. "Father D … who's Jesse?" I asked.

Father Dominic's eyes widened and then he looked slightly angry. "How do you know about Jesse?" He asked.

"Suze had said I, uh, reminded her of him. She said he was her friend." I explained.

"Yes, Jesse was a good friend to both Susannah and I." Father Dom said.

"Yeah, I got that. I know Suze was in love with him, but it seems like there's more to it than that."

You should ask Susannah about it."

"I have. All she tells me is 'it's complicated'. Will you tell me Father D?"

Father Dom sighed. "It's not my place to say anything. If Susannah wants to tell you then I will leave that up to her. But Julian, please don't pressure her into telling you. Let her do it on her own. Let her decide."

"You're really not going to tell me."

"No, I'm not. Is there anything else you need?"

I took a deep breath. "There's one thing that I want to know."

"What do you want to know?"

"Dud Suze ever … have sex with Jesse? That's all I want to know, the rest I can leave alone. Just … not that."

"Julian, that …"

"Please Father Dom, I need to know." I was so close to getting on my knees and begging.

"Would you think less of Susannah if she did?"

What kind of question is that?

_Would I?_ I thought.

"No. I just … I want to know how close they got. To know if it would be hard for Suze to, you know, get over him."

It was the truth. I wouldn't think less of Suze. It's just that I already know Suze loved, or loves, but it would be harder for her to love someone else if she and Jesse had been together in that way.

I know I asked Suze if she and Jesse had been friends with benefits, and she said no, but she had never said they had never done it.

_She told you that he only saw her as a friend,_ My inner voice said.

_So, friends have sex with each other all the time_, I thought back. Am I seriously fucking arguing with myself? Well, at least I'm not doing it out loud.

"Julian, you should know that if either Susannah or Jesse confided that information to me I would not be able to tell you." Father Dominic said.

I slumped down in my chair, defeated. "They did, didn't they?"

Even if Suze forgave me, we won't be able to work. She's too attached to Jesse.

_I never stood a chance_, I thought.

"No Julian, they did not." Father Dom said.

I picked up my head. "They didn't?"

Father Dominic shook his head.

_Yes,_ I thought.

Maybe we'll work after all.

* * *

**Suze POV**

I decided to wait for Julian

Yes, I am pathetic.

I can't help it. Okay? Julian is, for lack of a better word, gorgeous. And if I can get a chance to talk to Jesse again I'll take it.

I felt like an idiot as I waited for Julian. I had been waiting for five minutes. I decided to wait a few more minutes.

I knew he was talking to Father Dom, and that can sometimes take a while.

I was leaning against the wall and I started wondering what, exactly, Julian wanted to talk to me about.

Maybe he just wanted to ask me about my being a mediator. I think I'd die if that was all he wanted. I was planning to give him a chance to explain.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I only wanted to fix things with him because I wanted to talk to Jesse again. You might be right. I'm still not sure.

I know I'm attracted to Julian. That's a definite. But again, is that just because of Jesse?

Maybe I shouldn't try to fix things with Julian. Just until I can sort through all the crap in my head.

_Yes, Suze, walk away._ I thought. _Now_.

I stood up straight and was planning on leaving when I noticed Julian heading straight toward me.

Too late.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry. I know this was so short.

And again I apologize if it totally sucks.

Yes I gave you a little cliffie. I planned on making this chapter longer but I just really wanted to leave you hanging.

Quick question. Should I have Suze forgive Julian right now or hold off for a few chapters?

You decide.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer:**_ Mediator … Meg Cabot … nuff said.

**A/N:** I hoped you liked the last chapter and my little cliffie.

Before I let you get to the drama and mess that is Suze's life I want to take the time to thank those that have reviewed. (Not that it's a lot, but still)

Thanks to those who have read this fic.

OK, enough of this … on with it.

* * *

Chapter 8

**Suze POV**

When I saw Julian walking toward me I panicked.

What was I going to say to him? What was he going to say to me? What are my chances for running away?

I did want to talk to him. I really did. But I also wanted to wait until I sorted out my feelings.

I was way too confused to think straight.

Julian. Jesse. Jesse. Julian.

You would think this would be an easy decision since they were in the same body.

Wrong.

Maybe it would be easier if Jesse was in another body.

_Of course it would, because then Julian wouldn't be here._ I thought.

My heart clenched at the thought.

OK. That was a sign that I wanted Julian around. I knew I had feelings for Julian, feelings that had nothing to do with Jesse. I felt it when we kissed. That had nothing to do with Jesse.

I was aware that every second I stood here arguing with myself, Julian got closer and I had no chance of running away. I looked at Julian, who was now two feet away.

I took a deep breath as he came to a stop about a foot in front of me.

"Hey." Julian said.

"Hi." I answered breathlessly. Yeah, my impressive vocabulary chose that exact moment to leave me.

"I didn't think you'd actually wait for me." Julian whispered.

"Neither did I. To be honest I was just going to walk away."

"Why didn't you?"

"Frankly, I don't know Julian."

"Yeah, this is confusing. I've tried to sort though it all and try and find some justifications, but I keep coming up empty."

"What are you talking about? Justifications for what?"

"How I feel about you. I don't know if you feel anything for me, but I do. You probably think I'm stupid, having feelings for someone I just met, but I do and I can't help it."

I shook my head at him.

He was unbelievable. Here he was, saying he had feelings for me, when he accepted a date from Kelly. No matter what I feel for him it won't change the fact that he hurt me.

Yeah, him having feelings for someone he just met is not why I think he's stupid.

"So why the date with Kelly? If you care for me like you claim you do why'd you tell her yes?"

Julian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I want to explain, but I want you to promise that you'll listen. Promise you won't … interrupt and you'll hear me out."

"Only if you promise that everything you are going to tell me is the truth and not some excuse you made up."

"I promise. I will tell you the truth."

"Then I promise to listen."

"OK. When we were kissing yesterday it felt … right. At least it felt that way to me. When … when we were kissing I realized I liked you. I like just being with you, even if we're not kissing. I …" Julian paused.

He was saying the things I wanted to hear. He feels the same way I do. But I wanted him to explain about Kelly.

He must have seen that in my eyes. "I guess I should get to the point. Well, when we were sitting on the steps, talking, I couldn't help but like how easy it was for us to talk. Then you mentioned Jesse. I thought, _OK, I can brush it off._ I really thought I could Suze, but I watched your eyes when you talked about him. I could see the love in them. I know that you were in love with Jesse, OK? I understood that. But we had been kissing only minutes before, and I couldn't help but think that you'd never look like that when you were talking about me. I could've dealt with that. The way you defended him is what hurt. I mean, I had just realized how much I liked you and you were defending some guy who, by your own admission, only saw you as a friend."

I wanted to defend Jesse again. I wanted to tell Julian that Jesse loved me, but I promised not to interrupt.

"Not only did you say he only saw you as a friend, but you said he'd been gone for two months. He's gone, yet I can still tell you love him and you miss him. I understood at that moment that, no matter what, I'd be second to him. And that hurt. So I did the first stupid thing that came to my mind. I lied." He stopped and looked at me, most likely gauging my reaction.

What? He lied? About what? Did he lie about Kelly? I felt my jaw tighten. "What?" I asked.

"Kelly did ask me out, but I told her no … because of you. That little kiss I had given before was all I was thinking about." He said.

"You lied?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I wanted to make you feel some of the hurt you had made me feel. I know that's childish, but …"

He was cut off by my hand coming in contact with his cheek. I'm not a big slapper, but I couldn't think of what to do. Slapping him was the first action that came to me

I had been upset and crying because he wanted to get back at me for hurt _him_. His hurt was nothing compared to mine.

"I can't believe you." I said. "You lied to me!"

"I know, and I am really sorry. Please just tell me if there's someway to fix this. I can't stop thinking about you, it's like you've invaded my mind."

I looked away, biting my lip. I tried to fight the tears that welled in my eyes. "Just once I want to fall in love and not have it hurt in the end." I whispered.

Julian grabbed my chin and turned my face toward his. "Who says it has to end? Just give me another chance. I don't … I don't want to lose you."

I moved my chin from his touch. "You've already lost me Julian."

Julian shook his head. "No, Suze, please don't say that. Please."

"I just did, Julian. I let you explain. You apologized, but I'm not going to accept. I can't forgive you, for hurting me. You have no idea how bad you hurt me. It's more than what you felt, it's worse." I shook my head. "God, Julian. Don't you know that it is possible for a person to be in love with two people."

Julian's eyes widened. "Love? What? What … what do you mean?"

"It doesn't matter. It's too late." I said and turned to leave. I walked away slowly, and I hoped he'd stop me.

But he didn't.

He didn't call out for me. He didn't grab my arm to stop me. He just let me walk away.

* * *

**Julian POV**

I watched Suze walk away from me and that was the worst thing ever. I tried to make myself move or talk but I couldn't.

I just fucking let her walk away.

I was still trying to comprehend what she had told me.

"Don't you know that it is possible for a person to be in love with two people." She had said.

Was she in love with me? Is that even possible?

I know it's possible for her to fall in love with me. What I meant was, is it possible for her to be in love with me so soon?

More importantly, was I in love with her?

I think I am. And I realized it the moment she said I had lost her.

"Fuck." I whispered and leaned my head against the building. I ran a hand through my hair as I headed to my next class.

I had to get Suze to forgive me, I loved her. Yeah, I loved her. I needed her. I wanted her.

I had to fix it and I would ... no matter what.

* * *

**A/N:** OK, now Suze knows the truth and I'm a little mad at her for not forgiving Julian, but well ... that's just how I wrote it.

Any way, did you not find Julian's confession so ... awesome? Don't you just love him? Oh and how about the fact that he managed to confess without cussing.

Any way, any way, so you can see that Julian's determined to get Suze back. Will she forgive him? You'll have to wait and see.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the Mediator … but if I did Julian would've most definitely been a character.

**A/N: This is a filler. I'm working on the next chapter already. Sorry people.**

Okay, so now Julian's mission is getting Suze to forgive him. Honestly, who wouldn't want to forgive him?

So what if he lied, I mean he apologized.

Ok anyway, let us see what he does.

* * *

Chapter 9

**Julian POV**

I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do about Suze. I needed her to forgive me. I just didn't know how to do that.

I could call her. No, she'd just hang up on me.

I could try and talk to her after school. No, she'd probably slap me again and my cheek was still stinging from the first time.

I could show up at her house. She'd probably slam the door in my face.

What am I supposed to do?

Love fucking sucks.

Why the hell would anyone want to fall in love?

It seems like more trouble than it's worth.

_Are you saying Suze isn't worth it?_ My inner voice asked.

_Oh, shut up. She's worth more than anything._ I argued back.

I really need to stop arguing with myself. It's not healthy.

Ok, back to my problem. How do I get Suze back?

What do guys do to win their girls back?

Stand outside her bedroom window with a boom box? Nah, that's to John Cusack.

Serenade her? To _Ten Things I Hate About You_.

Beg her? Although I don't really want to resort to that I will. _**(A/N: What girl doesn't want to see a guy beg? That's what I thought.)**_

Ok, I'm giving myself till the end of this week, that's two days.

Now I just need to figure out how to do it.

* * *

**Suze POV**

I think I made a mistake by walking away from Julian.

Yes I was pissed that he had lied to me. But he apologized, and I know he meant it.

To tell you the truth, my walking away had nothing to do with his lie. I walked away because I still don't know who I want.

I am aware of the two-souls-one-body thing, but I know I'm gonna have to chose eventually. I don't know how permanent the Jesse situation is.

I want to forgive Julian. I want to be with him. But I can't be with him until I sort out all my crap, it wouldn't be fair to him.

If he had stopped me from walking away I wouldn't have hesitated to forgive him. That is how pathetic I am.

I'm just praying that, when I'm done sorting things out, Julian will still want me.

* * *

**A/N:**I'm planning for the next chapter to be even longer.

Maybe there's a reunion between Suze and Julian.

Maybe Jesse pays a visit.

Maybe my computer will fail… OMG I hope not.

Anyway, until next chapter (which I'll try to post soon)


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer:**_ Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot. The plot is all mine

**A/N: **So yes, I suck for posting that last chapter. But I will make up for it.

I promise.

This chapter changes POVs quite a bit

Let's get this show on … whatever … here's chapter 10.

* * *

Chapter 10

**Julian POV**

I spent all night perfecting the first half of my get-Suze-back plan and I'm hoping like hell that this will work.

Today I would get things started. I'm not 100% sure it will work, but one can only hope.

I was leaning against my car in the parking lot. There was still 10 minutes before assembly started and I wanted to catch Suze before.

I am aware that I am acting like a pathetic idiot. But I don't care, because I'm in love.

I saw Suze and her step-brothers pull into the parking lot.

Well, here goes nothing.

* * *

**Suze POV**

I was so not looking forward to school. Alright I was so not looking forward to seeing Julian.

I know if I see him I won't be strong enough to resist him.

I'm weak; I'm ashamed to admit it.

But it's not my fault. It's Julian's. It's him and his damn eyes, the eyes that can make me melt … just like Jesse's eyes.

Oh my god, I'm so damn confused.

I sighed as Dopey pulled in to the school parking lot.

And so starts another day of drama.

I got out of the Land Rover and was headed for the courtyard when I heard someone call my name.

Ok, so it wasn't any _'someone'_ I recognized Julian's voice. I wanted to act like I hadn't heard him. I wanted to keep walking and ignore him. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him senseless.

I stopped and waited for him.

Pathetic, I know.

I watched as he jogged over to me. I ignored the thudding of my heart and tried to focus on something, anything, else.

All my thought flew out of my mind as soon as he smiled at me.

"Hey." Julian said.

"Hi." I said. Oh my god monosyllabic answers. Amazing aren't they?

"So, good morning?"

"So, why did you ask that like a question?"

"I, uh, wasn't sure if you were going to talk to me."

"Well, I am. Do you need something?"

Julian laughed nervously. "I wanted to give you something."

"Okay."

"Yeah, so here it is." He held out a clear CD jewel case to me.

I took it from him and looked down at it.

"I made it for you and I really need you to listen to it." He said.

I looked up at him. "You _need_ me to listen to it?"

"Yeah, please. I want you to forgive me."

"So you give me a CD?"

"It's not just _any_ CD. It took me all night to get the right songs. Each song reminds me of you and how you make me feel."

"Oh, I'll listen to it tonight."

"No. Listen to it as soon as possible. Please."

Julian was begging me? He must really want me to forgive him. Why does _he_ feel this way about _me_?

Does it have something to do with Jesse? Was Jesse's soul the only reason for the connection between Julian and me?

"Ok. I'll, uh … I'll find a way to listen to it at lunch. Okay?"

"Okay." Julian said with a nod.

Julian and I stood there in silence for a few awkward moments. I had a new thought to sort through.

Why does Julian want me?

This was too confusing.

"We should go before Assembly starts." I said. "I don't want to get detention." And I walked into the courtyard.

The day seemed to drag. Each class felt like more than an hour. And during each class the CD in my bag was calling to me.

Where was I going to listen to it?

I needed to find some place where I could be alone.

I was headed to the courtyard for lunch, when I thought of the perfect place.

I looked around for Dopey, I was planning on listening to the CD in the Land Rover. It was a pretty obvious choice, yet it took me a few hours to come up with the idea.

I found him sitting surrounded by all his friends, which included Julian.

Great, I had to go toward that area and ask Dopey for the keys.

Well, here goes nothing.

* * *

**Julian POV**

It was lunchtime, Suze was supposed to listen to the CD, and I was about to have a heart attack because I was fucking nervous.

Where was she going to listen to it?

What would she think of it?

Would she like it?

Would she forgive me?

Why was she walking toward where I was sitting?

I saw Suze headed over to the table I was sitting at. Holy shit, had she listened to it already?

She didn't look mad or anything, mostly she looked determined.

I couldn't help but stare at her as she walked. My heart was thudding against my ribs, and I thought it would burst out.

As she got closer I sat up straighter, but then she walked past me and went to talk to Brad.

I watched in curiosity as they seemed to argue over something.

Finally Brad made a face and dug something out of his pocket. He handed it to Suze.

With a quick glance at me, she walked toward the parking lot.

I sat at the table practically bouncing with nerves. I was positive she was listening to the CD in the Land Rover.

Holy fuck is it possible for a seventeen-year-old to have a heart attack? If it is I'm pretty sure I'll be dead before lunch is over.

After thirty minutes I couldn't wait any longer, I had to go see if she was done listening to it. I just couldn't wait, it was driving me to the brink of insanity.

* * *

**Suze POV**

I sat in the front seat of the Land Rover. I was hesitant, I didn't want to push play. On one hand I really wanted to listen to it. On the other hand I really, really didn't want to.

_Suck it up, Suze!_ I yelled at myself. I snapped out of whatever fear-induced immobilization I was in and pressed the play button quickly, before I could change my mind.

The music of the first song was up beat and had a strong rock vibe to it, I wasn't so sure it would symbolize the way I made Julian feel.

That was until I heard the chorus. It said something to the effect of _'don't hang up on me cause I'm hung up on you', _I actually started laughing. I remembered that day Julian called to my house and I hung up on him.

I listened to the songs, the third through six songs were slow and made my eyes water. I recognized one of the songs as _'Addicted'_ by Simple Plan. I laughed through my watery eyes.

The songs after that were like the first song, up beat and rock-ish. It wasn't until the last song that I actually cried.

Yes I, Suze Simon – kick ass mediator, was crying over a song. I knew I had heard it before but I couldn't, for the life of me, remember the name of it. The chorus went like this:

_I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
I'll be love suicide  
I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

The song finished and I tried to compose myself before I stepped out of the car. I wiped my face and was heading back toward the courtyard when Julian stepped in front of me.

* * *

**A/N: **So that was chapter 10. I hope you liked it.

I am already half way done with chapter 11. I will try and post it soon, but since I'm staying with my brother right now I hardly get time to use the only computer with internet (it sucks big time).

For those of you who don't know the last song on the CD is _'I'll Be'_ by Edwin McCain.

Here are all the songs on the CD

_Disconnected - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_

_Only One - Yellowcard_

_The Sun and The Moon - Mae_

_The Ocean - Mae_

_Return To Me - The Last Goodnight_

_This Is The Sound - The Last Goodnight_

_I Can Wait Forever - Simple Plan_

_Addicted - Simple Plan_

_Memory - Sugarcult_

_Over - Sugarcult_

_Counting Stars - Sugarcult_

_Candle (Sick and Tired) - The White Tie Affair_

_Always Be - Jimmy Eat World_

_Collide - Howie Day_

_I'll Be - Edwin McCain_ (If you have clicked the link on my profile for the playlist you know that this song wasn't on there. It was a surprise)

Don't worry Jesse _will_ be back. He's obligated to come back.

Next chapter has a steamy kiss … very steamy.

Until next time.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer:**_ Mediator is to Meg Cabot as My cat is to me. Meaning Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot and my cat, Togo, belongs to me.

**A/N: **Well I hope you liked chapter 10, I did. Well I guess that's 'cause I wrote it. And I'm biased.

Sorry it took so long, I had a paper due for school and didn't have time to type this up.

Yes, I am old-fashioned. I actually write this out … on paper.

So this chapter, as I said in my A/N for chapter 10, is going to have a few steamy kisses … but don't … wait I'm not going to spoil it for you. You'll have to read it.

Longer Julian POV … well it's mostly from Julian's point of view.

Suze is a bit OOC in this chapter … and probably will be for the rest of the story, it's just a warning.

So without further ado … what the hell is 'ado'? Is it a … never mind … I'll give you chapter 11 before I start babbling.

* * *

Chapter 11

**Julian POV**

I came to a sudden stop if front of Suze, I practically ran into her. I studied her face; her eyes were a little puffy and I could see tear tracks on her cheeks. The CD made her cry.

Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

What do I say right now? My mind was a total blank. That seems to happen a lot around Suze. I lose all coherent thought.

"Did you listen to it?" I asked. _Well no shit she listened to it, dumb ass._ I thought to myself.

"Yeah." She whispered so softly I had to strain to hear her.

"What … uh … what did you think of it?" I asked.

"I liked it. I laughed at the first song." She paused and looked off to the side. I smiled at the memory of picking that particular song. "Most of them made me want to cry." She whispered.

"I wasn't trying to make you cry. I just want you to forgive me. And since I can never really say the right things I thought it would be better to say it through music." Wow, that sounded pretty stupid to me. "Look, I just want you … well I would say back, but if we're being honest we were never really together."

Suze looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. See what I mean when I said I can never say the right thing.

God, I'm an idiot.

"But that doesn't matter, I want you. I want to …" I paused because I had never really said this to a girl.

"You want to what?" Suze whispered while she looked down.

I looked her straight in the eyes. "I want to … be with you."

Suze looked at me then. Her green eyes were filled with unshed tears, making them shine. She was searching my face; I guess she was trying to see if I was telling the truth.

Hesitantly I lifted my hand to Suze's face. I rested my fingertips on her cheek.

A wave of heat and electricity surged from Suze to me. I'd never felt that and I doubted I'd ever feel it from anyone else. Mostly because I didn't want anyone else … ever.

Suze froze and, for a brief moment, I thought she was going to pull away from me. I was about to move my hand away but she closed her eyes and leaned in to my hand.

It was my turn to freeze. It was a few seconds before I snapped out of it. I was amazed that she wasn't pulling or moving away from me.

I ran my thumb across her cheekbone and I felt, rather than heard, her sigh.

I pressed my hand more firmly against her cheek and she responded by turning her head and kissing my palm.

Finally Suze opened her eyes and her green eyes clashed with my dark brown ones.

Until that moment I had never fully realized just how fucking beautiful Suze really was. Sure she is beautiful, but in that moment she looked so vulnerable, and knowing that Suze always acted tough made her seem all the more amazing.

I wondered if anyone had ever seen this vulnerable side of Suze, or if I was the only one.

I gazed deeper into Suze's eyes. I could see the conflict in them, but it was what else I saw that gave me hope. Pure, undiluted lust.

She was in lust with me. That was good.

Suze took a step toward me and she wrapped her arms around me. She rested her head against my shoulder. My arms went around her.

We stood there for a few moments just holding each other, and it felt right … perfect.

Suze turned her head and her face was in the crook of my neck.

I sighed when I felt her breath on my skin. I held her tighter and I felt her breath wash over the skin of my neck again.

Without warning, or much protest from me, I felt her lips press against my neck. I sucked in a deep breath as her lips sent more heat through my body.

My breathing picked up as Suze repeatedly kissed up and down my neck. I felt my hands curl into fists, grabbing handfuls of her shirt. I sighed and tilted my head to give Suze more room. She responded by biting me. My eyes rolled back slightly and I hissed through my teeth.

Suze, hearing, and most likely _feeling_, my reaction, did it again.

She made her way up toward my ear. She kissed just below my ear and then she took my earlobe between my lips.

And then she bit down on it.

"Fuck." I whispered raggedly.

The way she was kissing my neck and shit made me not want to believe what she had told me about only being kissed by one other guy.

What if that other guy was Jesse?

_Don't think about that, idiot. Not while she's kissing _you. My inner voice said.

So I stopped thinking altogether. All I focused on was Suze, her lips, and what she was doing to me.

She started making her way down my jaw. When she reached my chin she pulled away and stared at me.

Suze slowly slid her hands up my sides. I had to hold back a groan-moan-sigh as her hands traveled up my body.

Suze would be the death of me.

Her hands stopped at my shoulders. I licked my lips, which made Suze's eyes dart to them. She gradually dragged her eyes back up to meet mine.

I don't know what Suze saw in my eyes but she smiled a little and then she attacked my lips.

Yeah, that's the best way to describe it.

She just … attacked me with her lips.

I was caught off guard. Really. I didn't expect her to just throw herself at me.

It's not like I was complaining.

I pulled Suze's body closer to mine as our lips moved together. I was amazed at how good it felt to hold her and how well our bodies fit together.

I felt Suze move her hands up the side of my neck and then they were fisting into my hair.

I groaned against her mouth and I felt her lips pull into a smile.

I opened my eyes to look at her while I took her bottom lip between my teeth. I bit down on it lightly and caused Suze to moan. I chuckled and she opened her eyes to stare into mine.

I winked at her and I felt her breath hitch. It was nice to know how much of an affect I had on her.

Like the first time we kissed, Suze took my top lip into her mouth. We stood there for a while, sucking and biting each other's lips.

But I guess Suze and I both wanted more because our tongues darted out to meet at the same time. Soon our tongues were fighting for dominance.

With Suze pulling on my hair and her occasional whimpers and moans, I was easily forgetting that we were in a parking lot.

The parking lot of our school.

Which just so happens to be a church.

Yeah, I don't know about Suze, but _I'm_ going to hell.

And Suze wasn't really helping me stay focused on the fact of where we were. She was yanking my hair, bringing my face closer to hers. And she was pressing herself closer to me.

This girl was definitely going to drive me crazy.

But since she wanted more I would oblige. I tilted my head to the side which allowed my tongue to slip deeper into Suze's mouth.

She half moaned - half sighed and pushed her body even closer to mine. How that was possible seeing as we were pretty damn close, was beyond me. Again, it's not like I'm complaining.

I'm definitely going to go the hell. _Oh well, might as well enjoy it._ I thought and pushed Suze with my body so we were walking backwards. I wrapped my arm around her waist to keep her from falling. I pushed her up against the Land Rover, grabbed her hips, and pulled her _even_ closer.

And she fucking moaned again.

You know what I said about her driving me crazy? Yeah … I'm ready for the straight-jacket now.

I don't know about her, but I was getting light-headed. I wanted to stop but my lips weren't even connected to my brain anymore.

I could feel Suze's chest heaving against mine. One of us needed to pull away before we both passed out.

Finally and reluctantly, I was able to pull my lips away from hers. She whimpered breathlessly at the loss of our kiss. I rested my forehead against hers and moved my hands away from her hips, for fear of pulling her close again. I now rested them on her waist.

Suze moved her hands out of my hair. Which I was thankful for because my scalp was starting to sting from all the pulling she had been doing.

"Ok, you win." Suze whispered breathlessly.

"I won? What did I win?" I asked. Had we been playing a game? I was confused. Had I won her acceptance of my apology?

"I haven't had kisses better than _that_." She said with a smile.

_Oh, yeah. That._ I thought.

"Oh. Now, what do I get for winning?" I asked with a smirk.

Suze bit her lip, drawing my attention to her red, kiss swollen lips. "What do you want?" She asked in this husky, fucking sexy, voice.

_Fucking shit, she was teasing me. Well, two can play that game._ I thought.

I pulled my forehead from Suze's and tilted my head to the side. I contemplated saying something like 'a Porsche', but that probably would've earned me a slap from Suze. I didn't want that again, once was more than enough.

So I just decided to tell her the truth. "You." I whispered.

Suze sighed and looked down. She closed her eyes, effectively blocking my view to the only things that told me what Suze was really feeling.

I knew, at that moment, that something was up. I had a feeling that I wouldn't like what Suze was going to say next.

"Fucking shit." I whispered.

Suze looked up at me. "What's wrong?" She asked. The concern was clear in her voice, but her eyes were guarded.

I shook my head, stepping further away from Suze. "I don't know. What _is_ wrong?"

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I can tell that I'm not going to like whatever it is that's going through your mind."

"There's a lot going through my mind, Julian. And yes I'll admit that you won't like most of it. But I'm trying to sort it all out." Suze said.

"Sort what out?"

Suze walked away from me, just a couple of steps. I was glad because being in such a close proximity to her was making it hard to think. "I need to sort out what I'm feeling." I could hear confusion and pain in her voice, but, when she turned back to face me, I noticed that her face and eyes were emotionless. "I want you too, Julian."

I looked at her skeptically. She was saying that she wanted me, but her actions were telling me different.

"I do." She said indignantly. "I'm just so damn confused."

"Confused about what?" I was extremely curious. "What exactly is confusing you?" I asked because I was confused too.

I was confused as to why I was starting to feel crushed by the distant, detached look on Suze's face. It was getting hard for me to breathe and I wanted to know why. And most of all I wanted to know what was confusing her, I was pretty sure I made it clear what I wanted. I thought that I made it clear I wanted to be with her. Why the hell did she keep running hot and cold with me? _**(A/N: Sorry I was listening to Katy Perry when I wrote this part.)**_

"I'm confused about what _I'm _feeling." She said and I noticed her voice waver slightly.

I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Was that why I was having trouble breathing? I was glad that she was showing some sign of emotion because that detachment was seriously fucking scaring the crap out of me.

"I'm confused about what I'm feeling for you. I'm confused about what I'm still feeling for Jesse. I'm …" She trailed off and stared at me.

I felt my jaw tighten at the mention of Jesse.

Why the fuck did it always come back to him?

God, was she _ever_ going to get over him?

My eyes met Suze's and I was surprised to see them blazing in anger. Her eyes seemed darker, more of a forest green than the usual emerald green. She was so freaking beautiful, even though her anger was directed at me … at least I'm sure it was directed at me.

I blinked my eyes, clearing the haze that Suze put me in. "Are you always going to love Jesse?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Are you always going to act like an idiot when I mention him?" She shot back.

_Touché_, I thought.

"I don't know, maybe. Honestly Suze, what guy wouldn't act like an idiot when the girl he wants more than anything is still in love with someone else?" I argued.

"If you wanted me more than anything you would learn to accept that my feelings for Jesse aren't going to go away automatically. If you wanted me more than anything you would accept the fact that you might have to share my heart."

"I don't want to share your heart. Especially not with a guy who is not even around anymore."

"What? You don't want to share my heart with a guy that's what?"

_Oh fuck, she caught that. I'm prepared to have that thrown in my face_. I thought.

"Not around anymore." I repeated.

"Exactly Julian. Jesse's gone. He is not going to come back and steal me away." Suze took a deep breath before she continued. "I think you and I both have some things to sort through. I need to sort out what I want. And you need to grip the fact that I still have feelings for Jesse."

I sighed and looked away. "What if I can't?"

"Well then we can't be together." Suze whispered brokenly.

I looked back at her. I couldn't believe she would … end us like that. "So, it's either I accept that you still love Jesse or I lose you?" I stated. "Is that what you're telling me?"

"Yeah." She said. "And I hope that you can accept it because I've lost you enough and I don't think I can handle it again."

I shook my head. "I can't. I want all of your heart or …"

"Nothing at all?" She finished.

"Yeah." I whispered. Even as I said it I could feel every fiber of my body protesting against it.

I watched Suze bite her lip again, this time she was trying to steady her trembling chin. "Well then, I'm sorry." She whispered. The way her voice splintered when she said _sorry_, broke my heart.

I watched her turn and start walking away.

_Don't let her walk away again._ My inner voice said. It sounded different than my usual inner voice, but I didn't have time to think about that. I needed the advice. Even if it was coming from my own head. _Stop her. Tell her you'll work on it. She's worth it_

I sighed. _I know that, but I can't._ I thought. _She doesn't feel the same as I do. I'd be setting myself up for more pain._

_That doesn't matter. Take the chance. Susannah's worth more than you know. And she does love you. You just need to accept what she can give you. Is losing her better than only having half her heart?_

I shook my head._ It's too hard to love someone who's in love with someone else._

_Love is not easy. Just stop her!_ My inner voice yelled at me.

"Suze." I called.

She stopped walking and turned to face me. Even from where she was standing, about ten feet away from me, I could see the hope shining in her eyes.

I took long strides toward her. When I reached her I grabbed her face between my hands. "I couldn't let you walk away from me. Not again." I whispered and then I kissed her.

I poured everything into that kiss.

All my confusion.

Passion.

Lust.

Love.

And apologies.

Suze stayed frozen against me. It wasn't until my thumbs started to rub across her cheeks that she started to respond.

She sighed and kissed back.

Matching confusion for confusion.

Passion for passion.

Lust for lust.

Love for love.

And apologies for apologies.

It was in that moment, that kiss, that I realized that Suze _does_ love me. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't help but smile and deepen the kiss.

And Suze accepted it eagerly. Normally I would've thought that it was lust, but I could feel the difference.

She loved me.

I loved her.

We could get through it.

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**Suze POV**

"I couldn't let you walk away from me. Not again." Julian said and then he kissed me.

I could feel everything in that kiss and it gave me hope.

I could feel his confusion and how sorry he was, along with his lust. I could also feel … love?

Yeah, I think that's what it was.

I could feel every ounce of love Julian was feeling.

It was so much that it made me freeze and I felt tears build up behind my eyes lids. It wouldn't have been more perfect of Julian had actually told me he loved me.

Julian loves me.

_Me!_

I still couldn't move or respond to him, no matter how bad I wanted too. I was a little busy reveling in the kiss. I wasn't aware that I still hadn't moved until I felt Julian rubbing his thumbs across my cheeks.

And I melted.

I melted right into Julian's kiss. I put everything I felt in Julian's kiss back into mine. He needed to feel the same thing I was feeling.

Once I finally responded I felt Julian smile and he deepened the kiss.

His tongue slid across my bottom lip. I parted my lips and Julian's tongue slipped into my mouth. I let out a soft moan as his tongue explored my mouth.

As our tongues entwined, Julian's hands left my face. They ghosted down my sides until he reached my waist. He wrapped both of his arms around me and held me close to him. I let my arms snake around Julian's neck.

I couldn't help but notice that this kiss wasn't as … lustful as the one we shared by the Land Rover. Not that I minded the lustful and wild kissed, but there's something to be said about the slow, sensual kisses. And that something is … that … their _awesome._

Now, I'm not usually one to make out in a parking lot, but the places don't seem to matter when I'm with Julian.

But at the moment my brain was still muddled with thoughts of who I wanted.

I know I've said it before but, well, I'll say it again. Julian. Jesse. Jesse. Julian.

I was far from un-confused about what I wanted. I know I felt strongly for Julian, I was so close to being in love with him. And I mean very close – like one more make out session on the hood of his car and I'd be done for.

I was supposed to be trying to sort my stuff out when we were kissing earlier, but at the time I just wanted Julian. And I really didn't want to talk. I knew we had to eventually but I wanted to prolong it.

Julian and I were still kissing, and it was distracting. It was alleviating some of my confusion, but not totally. It was making it easier to just say I wanted Julian, but I couldn't just forget about Jesse.

I was getting dizzy, due to not breathing regularly. I needed air, but I desperately needed Julian more.

I guess Julian sensed my need for air; either that or he needed it too, so he pulled away slowly. Not as abruptly as before. First he moved his tongue out of my mouth. And he started giving me soft sweet kisses.

For one second, when his lips left mine, and I was able to think, my mind flashed to Jesse.

Yes, it is completely wrong of me to be thinking about Jesse when Julian's still kissing me, I _am_ aware of that.

I was wondering if Jesse could sense anything. God, I certainly hoped not. I think that would be a little awkward if Jesse ever came out again.

I can imagine explaining that to him: _"Well you see Jesse, I'm sorta falling in love with the guys whose body you now live in. Oh … you know already? You felt us making out? Huh, well guess what? I'm in love with you too."_

Why yes that _would_ be a pleasant conversation. (Note the heavy sarcasm). That is definitely _not_ a conversation I want to have.

Well aside from telling Jesse that I love him. I need to tell him, I mean he told me. But I'm not just going to say it because I feel obligated or anything. I really do love Jesse … and Julian.

See. See why I need to stop kissing Julian and start working things out?

My thought were brought back to Julian, and the fact that his lips were still on mine, by his teeth sinking into my bottom lip.

_Damn, this boy sure does know to clear my thoughts._ I thought.

And he certainly likes to bite my lips.

Then again, he seemed to like it when I bit his ear earlier. If him whispering _'fuck'_ when I did it was anything to go by.

When he said that I had to resist the urge to squeal like a little school girl. I had to resist the same urge when I pulled his hair and he groaned. I did, however, smile. Which he responded to by biting my lip.

He wrapped his arms tighter around my waist, pulling me flush against him.

And I couldn't help it. I giggled.

Julian pulled back slightly and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I just smiled and captured his lips with mine again.

"Mmm." Julian moaned. "Do you have any idea how good it feels to kiss you?" He whispered against my lips. "How good it feels to have you against my body?"

"Tell me." I whispered to him. Whoa, where the hell did this boldness come from? Usually I'm a total ditz in front of a guy I like. Just like I was around Jesse, constantly babbling and speaking in a squeaky voice instead of a sexy voice.

Julian started kissing his way up my jaw, toward my ear. "It feels fucking amazing." He whispered.

I moaned when I heard him cuss. Is it extremely wrong, or weird, to be turned on by his cussing?

I didn't have time to ponder that as Julian trailed kisses from my ear, down to my neck. He placed hot, open mouthed kisses down one side of my neck, across my throat, and to the other side of my neck.

"Does it feel amazing for you too?" He whispered huskily against my neck.

It didn't slip my notice that his voice was dripping with lust and passion. And I had done that to him. I smiled on the inside.

"Yes." I breathed. I slid my hands into his hair and tugged, pulling him closer to my neck.

Julian groaned again. I felt it reverberate through his body and into mine. I whimpered at the feeling.

He began kissing and sucking on my neck. My knees were getting weaker with each kiss. I was thankful that Julian was still holding me; otherwise I probably would've fallen.

Julian moved his hands to each side of my waist. I felt his thumbs slip under the edge of my shirt. He caressed my skin, causing me to gasp.

He moved his lips to the sensitive spot on my neck, where my pulse point is. He bit down on it slightly. It caused me to moan loudly. His tongue flicked over the same spot and I let out a small squeak.

This guy was going to drive me crazy.

"Fuck, Suze. Your skin tastes so good." Julian said against my neck.

When he spoke it caused my stomach to flutter and coil at the same time.

"Mmm, Julian." I whispered as he kissed his way down toward my collarbone.

So this was what was going through my mind as Julian was kissing me.

_Parking lot. We're in a parking lot._

Julian's lips are awesome.

_We're in a parking lot._

Julian's hand are on my hips now.

_We're in a parking lot._

Holy hell, did he just bite my collarbone?

_We're in a parking lot._

How did my back end up against the wall?

_We're in a parking lot._

Why are his hands on the back of my thighs?

_We're in a …_

It was at that point that my feet were no longer on the ground. Julian had lifted me up. With a gasping moan I wrapped my legs around his waist.

Yes, I know that it's not like me to be doing this, but if a hot guy is kissing you are you _really_ going to stick to your usual behavior? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Another thing I should point out was that Julian was … well let's just say that he was … enjoying this as much as I was. And the little school girl in my head was jumping around and doing flips, just like my stomach was.

Who knew I could do that to a guy? I sure didn't.

I probably should've been freaked out, but I wasn't. I should've told Julian to stop and put me down, but I didn't want to.

Julian kissed back up to my lips and then our lips were attached to each other's again.

Okay, I'm not sure if it happens to everyone, but the second Julian's lips met mine again every single logical thought flew out of my mind and my body took over.

That seems to happen a lot when I'm around Julian. I can never think straight.

Then again, who would be thinking at all when they are practically attached to the hottest living guy ever?

Now I couldn't really help what happened next. It was sort of an involuntary reaction. I moved my body against Julian's, causing both of us to moan into the other's mouth.

Since we both liked how that felt I decided to do it again. I did and it elicited the same reaction from me, from Julian it was half moan – half groan.

I was about to do it again when I heard four words that killed whatever mood/haze Julian and I were in.

"You are so busted."

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**A/N:** Oooh, they just got caught.

OK so, longest chapter for this Fic ever! *squeals like a little school girl* HA HA. I'm going to try and make all the chapters this long, as an apology for taking too long to post.

Alright, maybe this chapter was a little pointless, but it is their first step toward fixing their relationship. I know it seems like they're just lusting after one another, they're not. Okay? Their relationship will get more depth, promise.

Next chapter will have another brief fight (thanks to Dopey's big mouth), an apology, another kiss, and … wait for it … _**JESSE**_!

Oh wait one more thing … there was a little something different in this chapter. Did you catch it? Tell me in a review and I'll let you know if you got it right.

Why yes I am shamelessly asking for reviews.

**Review and Julian will come and bite your lips.**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer:**_ Things I don't own: Mediator, a car, a laptop, an iPod, and my sanity. Things I do own: My dinosaur of a computer, my pain in the ass cat, a cheap MP3 player, and a stuffed bear I've had since I was six.

**A/N: **So I hope you liked chapter 11. Sorry it's taken me forever to post this. Real life sucks, that's all I have to say.

Alright the A/N at the end of this chapter is going to have a _**very**_ important message, so please read it.

Well I would make this a/n as long as I usually do, but I'm not really in the mood.

I won't keep you waiting anymore. Here's chapter 12

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Chapter 12

**Suze POV**

"You are so busted." Dopey said.

_Oh. My. God!_ I thought. "Oh, my God." I breathed.

I looked from Dopey to Julian and then down to my legs, which were still wrapped around Julian's waist.

I immediately unlocked my legs from around him and dropped my feet back to the ground. Julian made sure I was standing upright before he backed away from me.

"What are you doing here Dope–I mean Brad?" I asked and tried to keep my voice flat.

"I was looking for you so I could get the keys back." Dopey said.

"Why? So what if I keep the keys till the end of the day, we leave at the same time anyway." I said.

"I had to make sure you didn't take off." Dopey said.

"Well, shouldn't you be in class?" I asked.

"Shouldn't you?" He said.

I shook my head, not a Dopey but at myself, I had totally walked into that one. I looked over at Julian and the look he was giving me clearly said _'He has a point'_.

"I'm kinda glad I came out here. That way I can tell mom and dad that you were making out in the parking lot when you should've been in class." Dopey said with a smug look on his face.

Mom? My mom. She's _my_ mom. Whoa I sounded like a spoiled child.

"You can't Dope–I mean Brad. You owe me." I stated with a smile.

"I owe you for what?" Dopey asked.

"I never ratted on you for sneaking to Kelly's pool party." I said with a triumphant smile.

"You can't use that one anymore, it's been too long. Besides I should tell because you've punched me." Dopey said.

I heard Julian snicker and then he started coughing. "You _did_ tell and I got an extra week added to the grounding I had already had." I stated.

Ok, I was getting a little panicky. If I couldn't stop Dopey from telling I'd most likely get grounded.

"Is that your argument? You might want to find a better one. You know, maybe I should save this one and use my _other_ weapon against you." Dopey said with a vindictive smile.

"What _other_ weapon?" I asked.

"I could tell them about the guy you used to sneak into your room." Dopey said.

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**Julian POV**

Fucking Brad.

Just when my make out/up session with Suze was getting good he shows up and ruins everything.

Cock blocker.

OK, so watching the confrontation between Suze and Brad was funny.

First: what's with Suze and the whole _'Dope–I mean Brad'_ thing? I need to ask her about that. And how come Brad didn't catch it? I mean seriously, how slow is he? She's said it like twice now.

Second: why did Brad say _'mom and dad'_? Isn't he Suze's step-brother?

Third: I can't believe that Suze actually punched Brad. That is just hilarious. I wonder where she punched him and most of all why?

And fourth: … what the hell did Brad just say? Did he just say that Suze used to sneak a guy into her room?

"What?" Suze and I asked at the same time.

"Yeah, I know you used to sneak some guy named Jesse in to your room." Brad said.

No. Fucking. Way. Why would Suze have been sneaking Jesse in to her room if they weren't …? Fucking shit, she lied to me.

I looked at her; well actually I was glaring at her. I guess she felt my eyes on her because she looked over at me. She opened her mouth to say something, but I stopped her by shaking my head.

"I don't want to know." I said and started walking away. I really wanted to say _'I don't want to hear it.'_

"Thanks Brad." Suze said. I heard the jingle of keys. "Julian!" She called after me.

I just kept walking toward my car. There was still about an hour of school left but whatever.

I felt Suze grab my upper arm. "Julian, stop."

I yanked my arm away and walked to the door of my car. But Suze wouldn't let up. She positioned herself between me and the car door. "Will you stop and listen to me?" She asked.

"I don't want to hear it." I said looking over her head.

"Please." She begged. "Please Julian; it's not what you think."

"Whatever Suze." I said. I could feel my chest tightening and I was trying to keep my breathing under control. I couldn't believe that just learning that Suze lied to me was doing _this_ to me.

Suze put her hand on my face and I tried to not let it distract me. "Julian, look at me." She whispered.

"I can't." I whispered back to her.

"Julian, please."

I sighed and looked at her. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, but I couldn't find it in me to be sorry about making her cry again.

I'll give it to her though; she'd make a good actress.

I noticed that her jaw clenched. "Don't look at me like that." She growled through her teeth.

"You just asked me to look at you." I snapped.

"Yes, but I don't want you looking at me like _that_."

"Like what?"

"You're looking at me like you don't trust me anymore. Like if just looking at me is making you sick. You're looking at me like … like you think I'm some kind of … hoe."

I didn't deny it. That is probably how it looked. "How do you want me to look at you?" I asked.

"I want you to look at me like you were earlier, before Brad interrupted. Look at me like you care about me, like you were when you said you wanted to be with me." I said. Her voice was wavering and full of emotion and her eyes were brimming with tears.

"I was looking at you like that because I did trust you; I didn't know you used to sneak Jesse into your room. I was looking at you like that because I …" I trailed off not wanting to say it.

"You were what? Julian, please tell me."

"I was falling for you."

"'_Was'?_ You _were_ falling for me?"

"Yeah. Stupid me, huh? I actually believed you when you said you wanted me. And when you said Jesse was just a friend."

"I _do_ want you. And Jesse was just a friend. I wasn't lying about that."

"Then why did you used to sneak him into your room."

Suze sighed and I was prepared for her to lie to me again.

"I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want anyone to know."

"Didn't want anyone to know what? That you and Jesse used to hook up in your room?" I cringed internally at that thought. I didn't want to think about Suze being with anyone else.

_Don't be such a hypocrite; you've been with other girls._ My inner voice stated.

_Girl._ I corrected. _One girl._

"Jesse and I never 'hooked up'. I never had sex with Jesse. I never even kissed Jesse. Do you want to know why?" She asked.

"Was he gay?" I asked.

Suze shook her head. "No. He was _not_ gay."

"Then why were you sneaking him into your room? What were you doing if not hooking up?" I asked.

"I didn't have to sneak him in." she said.

What did she mean she didn't have to sneak him in? She must've seen the confused and questioning look on my face.

"He was staying in my room." She said.

My eyes widened. "He was living with you?!" I said quite loudly.

"No. Julian, you're not listening to me." She said with a panicked look in her eyes.

"You just said he was living in your room."

"I said he was _staying_ in my room."

"Same fucking difference." I barked. My irritation was reaching its zenith.

Suze groaned in frustration. "Jesse was _not_ living in my room. He wasn't _living_ anywhere."

"What the hell does that mean? What do you mean he wasn't living … what? Was he a ghost?" I asked jokingly. There was no way Suze could've fallen in love with a ghost, it was like … mediation rule number one.

I waited for Suze to groan or sigh in frustration and tell me I was wrong. Except she just looked at me.

_Oh shit._

"Jesse was a ghost?" I asked.

"Yes." Suze answered in a hushed whisper.

He was a ghost. I was freaking out over Suze being in love with him, and he was a fucking ghost.

"You fell in love with a ghost?" I asked. I tried to keep my face even, but I felt a smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you, or anybody." Suze snapped. "I knew you wouldn't understand." She moved away from my car and tried to walk away.

"Wait Suze. Don't go." I said grabbing her hand. "I just … I find it stupid."

Suze gasped. Her mouth hung open for a second before she snapped it shut and tightened her jaw.

What did I say? I thought back over my sentence.

Oh crap.

"No Suze, I didn't mean it that way. I meant it in reference to me." I said.

Suze Just glared at me.

"I find it stupid that I'm flipping out over you being in love with Jesse." I stopped to think about something she said. "When you said he 'moved' you meant that…"

Suze nodded. "He moved on. Two months ago."

"So you really meant it when you said he wouldn't come back and steal you away?"

Suze smiled slightly. "Yes. But you need to understand that I still love him. He was the first guy I fell in love with, granted he wasn't alive. And he was my first friend when I moved here. Even though he's gone he still means a lot to me." She said. "Can you understand that?"

"Yeah, I can."

"I'm glad you understand. Now, if I ask you to do something for me will you do it?"

"As long as it's nothing drastic."

"Can you please give me some time to straighten things out?"

"What do you need to sort out? I accept that you still love Jesse, I'm fine with it … honest." I said.

My inner voice spoke up, _yeah, only because he can't come back._ It said.

_Of course, _I thought back.

"I get that. But I don't want to get into a … deeper relationship with you until I'm certain I can put 100% into it. It's bad enough that you have to share my heart, I want to be sure I'm ready for a relationship." She said.

I sighed. "Yeah I can give you time."

"Julian, I'm not asking you to … wait for me, because I honestly don't know how long this will take. If you want to …" Suze took a deep breath, steeling herself to finish her sentence, "if you want to go out with anyone else I'll understand. As long as it's not Kelly."

Whoa, she was giving me permission to date other girls.

I smiled down at her. "I don't want anyone else. Just you. So, I can, and _will,_ wait.

"I can't ask you to do that. I don't know how long …"

I stopped her by placing my lips on hers. It was just a brief kiss, much like the first one I gave her. "I can wait forever." I whispered against her lips.

Suze's lips pulled into a smile. "Hopefully you won't have to." She said.

I was about to say something when all of a sudden the sound of people talking filled the air.

I looked down at my watch. "Damn, it's already the end of the day." I muttered.

"What?" Suze asked.

"Yeah, school's out."

"We were out here of two hours?" Suze asked. When I nodded she breathed, "no way."

"Well," I leaned in to nuzzle Suze's neck, "time does fly when you're having fun." I whispered and smiled at the memory of Suze and I by the wall.

Suze laughed breathlessly. "Shut up." She said and ducked her head down.

I gave her a small kiss on her neck, which earned me a small moan from Suze, and pulled to look back at her. She was looking down. I lifted her chin so she was looking at me. "Do you want a ride home?"

Suze smiled a bit. "As much as I would like to say yes, I can't."

"Why? Is it because you want time to think?"

"No, I have to spend the entire ride home begging Dope–I mean Brad not to say anything about what he saw."

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"The _'Dope–I mean Brad'_ thing."

"Oh." She said with a laugh. "I'll explain it sometime."

"You know, you could explain it now if you let me give you a ride home." I tried to reason.

"I can't. You know, you're far to tempting for my own good."

"What?" I laughed.

"I lose my head when I'm with you. It's hard for me to think."

"Ha, and I thought it was just me. You do the same thing to me too."

"Really?"

I nodded.

"Well that's good to know." She said.

Students were starting to spill into the parking lot.

"I got to go. If I can't stop Brad, I'll end up grounded for life."

"Why?"

"Skipping class is like a … major offense. Not to mention making out in the parking lot, I can't forget that."

"I smiled. "Neither can I."

Suze smiled and kept talking. "Oh yeah, and I threw the keys in Brad's face."

"You threw them in his face?" I asked before I started laughing.

"Yeah, I was pissed because I thought I lost you for good."

"I'm in far too deep to walk away for good." I said as I ran my thumb across her bottom lip.

"Me too." She whispered.

I looked over Suze's shoulder and saw Brad walking toward the Land Rover. "You better go." I said.

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow." She said.

"I'll call you later."

"It's better if you don't. I might be grounded." She said with a frown and an eye roll.

"Alright." I sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye." Suze said and started to walk away. She stopped and turned back to me. Without warning she pulled me into a mind–blowing kiss.

It was amazing, but it didn't last long. She pulled away and I was expecting her to say goodbye again. Instead she just walked away, like I had done the first time.

_Touché._

That was when I realized that she had never actually said she forgave me. I'm pretty sure she did but I was still going to finish my plan.

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**Suze POV**

I kissed Julian with everything I had. That kiss had to keep me satisfied until God knows when … most likely tomorrow.

And as much as I wanted to stay there with him, I had to pull away.

I did the same thing to him that he did to me. After the kiss I walked away, and I praised myself for it.

_Ha ha, I got him back._ I thought as I made my way to the Land Rover.

I climbed in and glared at Dopey. "What do I need to do to get you to keep your mouth shut?" I asked.

"You know how mom and dad are going out of town next Friday?" Dopey asked.

I didn't like where it was going. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yes." I said.

"I'm planning on throwing a party. If you keep your mouth shut about that I'll keep mine shut about your … lunchtime activities."

"Fine," I said "but if you so much as let it slip about what you saw I'll rat you out in a heartbeat. Got it?"

"Deal. You better keep your mouth shut too David." Dopey said.

I almost forgot about Doc in the backseat.

"Ok, but you do realize that this is bound to end badly." Doc said.

"No, it won't …" Dopey started talking and I tuned him out.

I had a lot to think about.

**xXx**

Dopey had kept his promise and kept his mouth shut about me and Julian.

It was after dinner when I was walking up the stairs that someone knocked on the door.

I ignored it as Doc ran to answer it. I had just reached the landing when Doc yelled for me.

I groaned and turned to head back down the stairs.

Halfway down I saw who was there.

Julian was standing at the front door.

I practically ran down the rest of the stairs. When I reached Julian I smiled up at him. "I told you that I needed time to think, Julian. What are you doing here?" I asked.

He half smiled. "Think about what Querida?" He asked.

I felt my eyes widen and my jaw fell open. "Jesse?" I asked.

_Of course it's Jesse, idiot. Julian doesn't call you Querida._ I thought.

"Yes." Jesse said.

"Wha … how …" I shook my head. "Let's … uh let's talk outside. Okay?"I said and walked to the door.

Jesse opened the door before I could reach it. I smiled as I walked passed him and onto the porch. I heard the door click shut and I turned to face Jesse.

Well, technically I was looking at Julian. It was so hard for me to be talking to Jesse and be looking at Julian. I just tried to picture Jesse standing in front of me, instead of Julian.

"How did you get here?" I asked.

"I drove." Jesse said.

"You drove? You know how to drive?"

"Susannah, I've been around for a while. I most definitely know how to drive."

"But how? You were a ghost."

"I did not sit idly by eating bonbons for the 150 years I was a ghost. I did make a few observations now and then."

"Oh, okay. Whose car … did you steal Julian's car?"

Jesse laughed. "Querida, who do I look like?" He asked.

"Julian." I answered.

"Exactly, people will assume I'm Julian. So I didn't steal the car."

"Oh, that makes sense I guess. I guess. So, what are you doing here?"

"Do you not want me here?"

"It's not that, Jesse. I just … have you … is this you second time coming forward or have there been other times?" I asked.

"The second. The first time I came out was that other time I talked to you. Most time I get close enough that I can feel what Julian is doing."

Oh, my god. That's what I was afraid of. Please don't let him have felt what Julian and I were doing earlier.

"Really? Like what?"

"Well he had been really upset for a few days, but now he seems rather happy."

I couldn't help but smile. Was I the reason Julian was happy? My smile fell as a thought came to me. "Can Julian feel what's going on right now?"

"No. The last time he was confused because he could not recall what happened. I think when I come forward it causes lapses in his memories."

I nodded. "How long do you have?"

"I do not know. But I think I should get ready to go back to Julian's house. I wouldn't want him to come back while I'm driving."

"Yeah, that might freak him out a bit." I agreed.

"Goodnight Susannah." Jesse said and started walking down the porch steps.

I had to tell him how I felt; I might not get a chance for a while. "Jesse, wait." I called.

"Yes, Querida?" He asked.

"I need to tell you something." I started.

Jesse smiled. "I already know that you kissed Julian." He said.

I felt my jaw sag. "I … uh … you … he …" I stammered.

"It's okay Susannah. You can't help it if you . . . well, don't feel the same way about me as I do about you." Jesse said with a sad smile.

I furiously blinked back the tears that built up at his sentence. "What? Jesse that's not true. Yes, I have feelings for Julian. Yes, I have kissed him. But I – I've been in love with you for months Jesse. When you moved on I thought I'd never see you again, and it hurt. Especially because of what you told me before you were gone." I took a deep breath. "I thought I'd never get a chance to tell you that … I love you." I finished and looked up at Jesse.

He smiled. "I love you too, Querida." Jesse said and reached out to touch my face.

I felt a small shock when his fingers touched my skin. It wasn't as intense as the shock I got when Julian touched me, but it was there. When he touched me it was like I could see Jesse standing in front of me.

Jesse put his other hand on my face and leaned toward me.

And then he kissed me.

On the lips.

Jesse's kiss was very tender and loving. Not passionate and wild like Julian's were. I wouldn't be able to tell you which one of them was the better kisser because they both felt the same. They both made my stomach flutter and tighten. And they both radiated love.

For me.

Jesse pulled away and he smiled at me again. He was smiling but the said "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" I asked.

"I do not think kissing you was a good idea."

"Why?"

I knew why it wasn't a good idea for me. It made me feel like I was cheating on Julian. Although if I was being technical I was cheating on Julian with … Julian, because I was kissing _'Julian'_.

"Because of Julian." Jesse said.

"He knows how I feel about you." I said.

"But he thinks I'm gone."

I sighed because he was right. "Should I tell him about you being in his body?"

"I think you should wait a while, Querida. You do not know what telling him could do. And make sure you speak to Father Dominic first."

"OK, I guess you should go."

Jesse nodded. He grabbed my chin between his thumb and index finger, like he had done before, and lifted my face toward his. He gave me a light kiss. "Goodnight Querida." He said and he walked down the porch stairs.

"Goodnight Jesse." I whispered when I heard him drive away.

Great, I'm more confused now than ever.

What am I going to do?

I sighed and turned to head inside. Sorting out my stuff wasn't going to be easy now. It just got a whole lot harder.

Would it have been easier if I hadn't told Jesse how I felt? Should I have kept it to myself?

No.

I was right to tell Jesse. I had wanted to tell him how I felt for a long time. I felt better now that he knew, and he didn't seem to really mind the fact that I'm dating Julian, so to speak.

Shouldn't Jesse have minded? I mean, after all he is in love with me. Should he be alright with me being with Julian? He did get jealous when Tad had kissed me. He didn't seem to like Paul either … well that was probably due to the fact that Paul had tried to kill me, technically speaking.

So why was Jesse mad or jealous over Julian?

These question plagued me as I tried to go to sleep.

Now here I was, sitting at my lunch table with CeeCee and Adam. I hadn't talked to Julian at all. I saw him in class, but we didn't get to talk. He didn't send me any notes either, but he also looked like he was focusing really hard on something so I didn't bother him. He was probably giving me time to think.

Now he was walking over to my table.

I watched Julian walk over to were I sat. I wasn't quite ready to talk to him yet. I know we talked after he gave me that CD yesterday, but I was still wasn't done sorting my stuff out.

But watching him walk toward me made my heart flutter.

What was this guy doing to me? And this was because of him, not Jesse, I was sure about that.

"Suze." Julian said when he approached my table.

CeeCee and Adam were looking back and forth between Julian and me.

"Hey." I said. Wow, where did all my vocabulary go?

"I wanted to know if you sorted your stuff out." Julian asked.

I sighed, but I wanted to laugh. Julian had no patience. "Julian … I …" I shook my head slightly. I didn't want to talk about this in front of my friends.

To my surprise Julian smiled. "So that's a no."

"Um … I …" I shrugged.

"Okay." Julian said.

I watched in awe as Julian climbed on top of the lunch table. What was he doing? Was he trying to get in trouble? Had he always worn Converse?

"What are you …?" I started to ask.

I felt everyone staring over at us.

What was he doing?

XxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxX

**Julian POV**

Dear God, please let this work.

I realize that I'm acting like a whipped fucker, but I am.

I took a peek around at everyone. They were staring at me, whispering. I'm pretty sure they were wondering what the hell I was doing standing on a lunch table.

Even Suze was looking at me like I had lost my mind. Just to make things clear I hadn't lost my mind, it was overrun by Suze.

I took a deep breath and prayed one more time.

"Everybody listen up!" I said loudly.

Yes, I was going to grovel for Suze's forgiveness while I had an audience.

I looked down at Suze; she was looking at me with shock, awe, and something else that I couldn't quite place.

"I am the biggest idiot on the planet." I might as well start with the truth. "I screwed things up with the most amazing girl I have ever met. I need her. And I need her to forgive me. I'm begging you," I looked down at Suze "Suze, please forgive me. I was an idiot for lying to you. I was an idiot for getting jealous. You had every right to call me an asshole and hang up on me and slap me, ok? I deserved it. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?"

Suze blinked at me and right when she opened her mouth Sister Ernestine approached the table.

"Mr. Diego, would you mind getting off of the table?" Sister Ernestine asked.

Suze was biting her lip trying not to laugh. I'll take that as a good sign.

I jumped off the table.

"I'll escort you to Father Dominic's office." Sister Ernestine said.

I shrugged and followed her. I risked one last look at Suze. She looked up at me. We stared at each other and then she smiled at me.

That's definitely a good sign.

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**A/N: ***squeals over Julian standing on the table*

Ok I know I took forever to post this chapter. I hope my scene with Jesse was ok, for some reason I just couldn't get his … voice right.

And now for my important message … I am going to put this fic on hiatus.

Don't hate me. I just want to finish writing it out, before I end up changing the plot more than I already have. I'll be able to finish this fic sooner by putting it on hiatus.

This fic will stay rated M, the summary said it might change, but it won't. Don't worry it's nothing too … graphic.

So once again, don't hate me for putting it on hiatus.

**Review, I'll finish this fic and take it off hiatus faster.**


	13. AN and Preview

**A/N**

Soooo wow, it's been awhile huh?

To be honest I really had no intentions of finishing this story, until I go some reviews in my email.

I'd be lying if I said I never thought about this story, but it was always tugging at the back of my mind.

I am going to try my best to finish this, I make no promises however. Now that I have a 6 month old son, things are hectic.

I'd like to thank those few people that left reviews after almost two years of this story being on hiatus.

I look forward to you guys finding out how this story ends.

Like I said, I make no promises, but I am going to try as hard as I can.

I really think this story deserves to be finished, and you all deserve to find out what happens between Julian, Suze, and Jesse.

I know how this story will end and I'm biased when I say it will be epic.

So for now and until I FINALLY post the next chapter here's a bit of a future chapter.

* * *

I followed Suze up the stairs. My vision was slightly blurry and my head felt like it was full of angry bees. I had been drunk before … ok so it was only once and it was more of a buzz but still.

I held onto the banister tightly, just to make sure I didn't fall down the stairs, because believe me, I probably would have.

To keep myself focused I stared at Suze walking a few steps ahead of me. And damn I wasn't disappointed by what I saw. Suze had been wearing these really tight pants; seriously they looked like a second skin. She probably couldn't even breathe, but fuck she looked hot.

* * *

Oh Julian.

So I'll be seeing you.

Until then, please be patient.


	14. Chapter 13

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Mediator or any of its characters. I only own Julian. Yes he's mine. Jealous?

**A/N: **Oh, my God.

Look.

It's a bird.

It's a plane.

No.

It's a new chapter. Haha sorry about that, I'm a little excited about posting. Meaning I have completely lost my mind.

Well, it's been a while hasn't it? Did ya miss me?

I just wanna thank all that have pushed me to finish this story…so… THANK YOU!

And seeing as I've kept you waiting I won't make you wait any longer soooo … here's chapter 13. *squeals like a little school girl*

* * *

Chapter 13

**Suze POV**

I watched Sister Ernestine escort Julian to Father Dominic's office. I was surprised that she didn't pull his ear. I still can't believe he did that.

I was stunned, and happy, and trying very, _very_ hard not to laugh.

As soon as Julian disappeared around the corner I started laughing. Hard. I could still feel everyone staring at me. I'm pretty sure they thought Julian and I had lost our minds. Maybe we had. Or maybe, just maybe, it had to do with love. Or maybe it was a combination of the two, being in love made us lose our minds.

I risked a glance at CeeCee and Adam; they were staring at me confusedly. Then CeeCee started laughing too.

"Why did he do that?" CeeCee asked.

I just shook my head. It was too complicated and slightly too stupid to explain.

"Did you really slap him?" Adam asked.

I nodded, still laughing. I glanced around at everyone that was sitting in the courtyard. The looks of disbelief and confusion were far more hilarious that what Julian did. Brad's table, Julian's friends, was staring at me. Most likely trying to figure out what influence I had over Julian. I kept looking around and saw that Kelly and her clique—the Dolce and Gabbana Nazis as CeeCee had taken to calling them—were staring at me. They were practically green with envy. I could almost hear Kelly wondering, _what's a guy like _that _see in _Suze Simon? I smiled smugly and turned back to face CeeCee and Adam.

I wouldn't be able to answer that question. I didn't know what Julian saw in me. I guess I'd have to ask him.

**Julian POV**

I was walking toward my car after I got out of detention. Yeah, I got detention for being a whipped fucker. But hey, I don't care. Seeing Suze smile was way worth it. And although I didn't _have_ to apologize, because she had forgiven me, I wanted to.

I wondered if this is what it was like to be in love. I mean I had already had the suspicion that I was in love with Suze, and I pretty sure I am, but is love really about making these grand gestures and having everyone think you're completely mental?

I don't think so, but I am 99.999999% sure that I really _am_ in love with Suze.

Now the only obstacle that I face is whether or not Suze is in love with me. I really hope so. Otherwise I just humiliated myself for no fucking reason.

Maybe I could go to her house and talk to her.

Maybe I could call her.

Maybe … what the hell?

I looked at my car, the only one that was left in the parking lot. To my complete and utter surprise Suze was sitting on the hood of my car.

Yeah, well at least I didn't have to go looking for her.

I took a brief moment to just fucking ogle her. I had done it before but now it was different somehow. I don't know how it was, but it was. Now, every time I looked at Suze it was like I was seeing the entire universe. And when I looked in her eyes I felt that I was complete.

Wow, I have turned into a complete sap. Suze is making me turn into a girl … okay that didn't sound right. I'll put it this way; _love_ is turning me into a girl.

It was during my semi-shameless ogling that Suze looked up at me. She stared at me and then she smiled a big fucking smile that lit up her entire face. That smile made everything fall into place.

I loved her.

It didn't really matter if she loved me or not … okay so that was a lie. Of course it mattered but I didn't need to know right now. All I knew was that the girl that was sitting on the hood of my car was, and hopefully always would be, my … everything.

So I was caught for a moment. I wanted to just run over to Suze and kiss her senseless, but I also wanted to play it cool. I didn't want to lay everything out there right now. I was going to walk slowly to my car, but I'm pathetic and ended up jogging to her. It wasn't an actual run but it still seemed desperate enough.

I stopped in front of the car so that I was standing in front of Suze. "Why did you wait for me?" I asked.

"Well, I figured, if a guy is willing to get in trouble for me," she slipped her arms around my neck and started playing with my hair, "I should give him attention."

I laughed as I moved in and gave Suze a soft kiss.

But before I could deepen the kiss Suze pulled away and started laughing. That was a major kick to my ego. I just kissed her and she starts laughing.

"What?" I asked.

"I just can't believe you stood on a table just to apologize to me, which, by the way, was completely unnecessary." Suze said with a smile. "I figured I had made it pretty clear that you were forgiven, what with the whole parking lot make-out session yesterday."

"I knew you had."

"Then why did you do it? Not that I'm complaining because now every girl in school is jealous of me, but if you knew I had already forgiven you why'd you do it?"

"Well, when I made that CD for you I also made a backup plan, in case it didn't work."

"So standing on a lunch table and begging for my forgiveness was your backup plan?"

I nodded. "Pretty much, yeah. Besides I think you're worth it, getting in trouble, getting detention, and far more than that. I'd do anything to make you smile like you did."

"Why?" Suze whispered.

"Seeing you happy makes me happy. I want to spend as much time as I possibly can, making you happy."

"It's sweet. What you did _and_ what you just said." She pressed her warm lips against mine. "And since you obviously need to hear it, I forgive you."

"Thank you." I whispered and captured her lips with mine.

She automatically took my top lip in between hers and I took her bottom lip in between mine.

**Suze POV**

As Julian was kissing I couldn't help but think, "_This feels right."_

I was also thinking, _"What the heck does he see in me?"_

I wanted so very badly to ask him, but what if I didn't like his answer? What if he didn't like me the way I liked him? What if this was just because of Jesse? What would happen if he knew the truth?

I wanted to know, which is why I went to have a chat with Father Dom while Julian was in detention.

XxX

_I sat in Father D's office. I was still feeling giddy about what Julian had done. But I was also slightly worried. How had this happened so quickly? It felt as if Julian and I had some sort of dependency on each other._

_Maybe there was. Maybe I needed him to feel close to Jesse. Maybe he needed me because of Jesse. Or maybe I should stop over analyzing it and just let it take its course._

_"Susannah." Father Dom started_

_Well I guess I should start. "Father D, I guess you should know that Julian and I are sorta dating."_

_Father Dom said nothing; he just looked at me with those baby blue eyes of his. It seemed like a log while before he finally spoke. "Susannah."_

_"Before you start telling me that it's a bad idea or that I'm only getting close to him because of Jesse, don't. Believe me; I've already been thinking about that myself."_

_"I wasn't…" Father D started._

_I interrupted. "I mean I really like Julian. It's more than just getting close to Jesse. Not that I'm not trying to get close to Jesse, he was the reason I felt connected to Julian, but I don't know if that's the case anymore."_

_"Susannah, maybe you should…"_

_"Why does feel like I have to choose, I mean come on, there sharing a body." I said, interrupting him again._

_"This situation might not be permanent." Father D said. He seemed slightly flustered. He was probably frustrated with me because I kept interrupting, not that he would tell me anyway._

_"What do you mean 'not permanent'? What did you find out?" I asked. Suddenly I didn't feel so giddy. It felt as if my stomach had fallen into my shoes. What if it was bad? Would it hurt Julian or Jesse?_

_Father Dom sighed. "I have found nothing. It seems as if this has never happened before."_

_"Maybe we should tell Julian." I suggested._

_"No, Susannah you mustn't tell Julian. We do not know what it could do to him or Jesse. If Julian's soul became aware of Jesse's it could be…" Father D trailed off, shaking his head._

_"What? It could be what?" I asked._

_"Catastrophic."_

_"But you said…but Jesse knows he's in Julian's body." I blurted out. I wasn't thinking and I honestly never planned on telling Father D that I had talked to Jesse. I had wanted to keep it to myself._

_"Susannah, you've spoken to Jesse?" He asked._

_"I…um…" I sighed. I couldn't lie to Father D. "Yeah. Twice."_

_"You should have come straight to me when you spoke to him." Father D said. By then he had picked up, and was messing with, the package of cigarettes that he had but never smoked._

_"Well seeing as it was well after midnight when I spoke to him…"_

_"Nevertheless Susannah, you should have told me."_

_"Sorry Father D." I knew he was right. It was selfish of me not to tell Father Dom. After all, Jesse and Father D were friends. "But Father D if it's catastrophic for Julian and Jesse's soul to know about one another why hasn't…"_

_"Because Julian's soul is the dominant one, Susannah. I may not know exactly what is happening, but I can assure you that nothing good can come of this situation."_

_"Maybe we should tell Julian. Maybe he can…I don't know, help us find out what's going on." I added. Truth was I hated lying to Julian. He was honest to me and, although it was reluctantly, I had told him about my relationship with Jesse._

_After such honesty I didn't want to lie to him, especially about something this major._

_"You can't Susannah. Not until I know for sure what will happen."_

_"You want me to lie to Julian?"_

XxX

Basically Father D didn't tell me to lie, but he also didn't want me to tell Julian either.

Julian pulled his lips from mine. "We really should stop making out in the parking lot." He said huskily.

I smiled.

**Julian POV**

We pulled up in front of Suze's house and I turned off my car. I didn't really want Suze to go. I wanted to stay with her longer. Or maybe it was forever.

I took my seatbelt off and turned to face Suze. "Do you have to go inside?" I asked.

Suze looked at me. "You don't want me to go?" She asked.

What the hell kind of question was that? Of course I didn't want her to go. "Not really. But if you have to go I can't really tell you to stay."

"True, but you can make me stay."

What did that mean? And, holy fuck, could Suze get any hotter? Well she probably could, but she was already pretty fucking hot and there was no need to make her hot _and_ dangerous.

"And how can I do that?" I asked.

Suze smiled as she slipped her arms around my neck.

_Oh, I get it now. Wow, I'm slow._ I thought.

I leaned over the center console of my car and placed my lips on Suze's.

She accepted my kiss eagerly with a moan. Damn, Suze really knew how to drive me crazy.

I tried to lean over as much as I could but the damn center console was keeping me away from Suze. I wonder if the person who designed this car did it especially to keep hormone ridden teenage boys, like me, away from girls…just a random thought.

I sighed and pulled away. "This isn't going to work." I said.

Suze laughed. "Do you want to come in then?"

I looked at her in disbelief. Yes, I did want to come in, but I also wanted to be alone with her. I doubt that if we went inside that was going to happen.

"Um…I don't know."

Suze looked at me for a second. "Ok, then I gotta go." She gathered he bag and got out.

I blinked confusedly at the empty seat. I got out and looked at Suze. "So I don't get a goodbye or anything?"

"If you come inside, I won't need to say goodbye. But…" She shrugged and started walking away.

I groaned in frustration and closed my door. I walked up behind Suze. "You're torture, do you know that?" I asked as I walked beside her.

She just smiled.

We walked up the porch stairs to the door. She opened the door and we walked in. I looked around the house. You know that feeling you get when you think you've been somewhere before but know you've never been there? I got that feeling as I looked around the living room.

I shook my head as Suze grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the stairs. We had barely gone up two stairs when someone, most likely Suze's stepdad, came out of the kitchen and stopped us.

"Suze, who's your friend?" He asked.

"Andy, this is Julian. Julian this is my stepdad Andy." Suze introduced.

"Nice to meet you Sir." I said.

He nodded to me.

"Julian and I have homework to do so we're just gonna…" She pointed upstairs.

Andy looked suspicious, and he had every right to be. "Leave the door open." He said.

"Yeah, of course." Suze said and started pulling me up stairs again.

I walked closely behind Suze. "Damn, do we _have_ to leave the door open?" I whispered into her ear.

She chuckled breathlessly and she led me to her room.

I stood just inside Suze's room, the sense that I had been there was stronger. I looked around at everything, it was so…pink. "This is _not_ how I expected your room to look." I said.

Suze laughed self consciously. "Yeah, um, my mom picked everything out for me while I was still in Brooklyn."

"That's where you're from?"

She nodded. "Will you excuse me for a minute, I'm gonna change out of this." She said gesturing to her school clothes.

I smirked. "Are you gonna slip into something more comfortable?"

"Yes, but not in the way you're expecting." She said and disappeared into her bathroom.

I walked over to the large bay window. I stared out at the view.

XxX

_"All right. Who the hell are you?"_

_I looked up to see Suze. She was wearing a black silk t-shirt and holey jeans. I tried to speak, but for some reason I couldn't say anything. I looked back out the window and then at her again. She was staring right at me._

_"Nombre de Dios." The voice came from me, but it wasn't my voice._

_What was going on?_

_"It's no use calling…"_

_Her voice began to fade and so did she._

XxX

I shook my head and blinked my eyes hard. What the hell had just happened? Where did Suze go? I looked back out the window. Whose voice had come out of my mouth? I heard the bathroom door open and I turned to look at Suze. I wanted to ask her what she was done, or rather what kind of game she was playing.

She was wearing the silk shirt and torn jeans, so I knew she was playing a game. I was about to ask when I realized, there was no way she was pulling some kind of trick. If she was, why had I responded to her…in Spanish no less? I pushed what had happened out of my head, it was just my imagination.

Suze walked up to me and took my hand. I raised my eyebrow at her as she pulled me toward the bed. I shot a quick glance at the open door, before I closed the distance between us. I slipped my arms around her waist, feeling my hands run over the soft silk. I leaned down and captured her lips with my own.

Her lips pulled into a smile as she kissed me back.

**Suze POV**

Homework.

That's what I told Andy that Julian and I were going to do. Honestly, I had no intention of doing homework with Julian. It didn't seem like it was his intention either as he started kissing me. I don't think I'd ever get tired of kissing Julian, but I had to keep my head. Andy was downstairs. My mom would be home soon. My door was open and anyone could walk by at any moment.

I groaned internally and pulled my lips away from Julian's. "We should stop." I said breathlessly.

Julian sighed and rested his forehead against mine. "Yeah."

"Homework?"

Julian rolled his eyes. "If we must."

I pulled myself, reluctantly, out of Julian's arms and grabbed my bag. I sat on my bed, with my back against the headboard. Julian walked around to the other side of my bed and sat next to me.

I looked up at him questioningly. "Where's yours?"

He looked up at me and smiled crookedly. "I left my shit in the car."

"Do you wanna go get it?"

"No."

"So you're just gonna sit there and watch me? That's creepy."

"If you don't want me to watch you do your homework I can think of something else we can do." He said with a wink.

My heart did a little flip in my chest and my stomach fluttered. I shook my head and took out my trigonometry homework. Julian was quiet as I did my homework; he just kept playing with my hair every now and then. Every time he touched me I felt heat blossom in my chest, as if I was blushing on the inside.

I kept glancing at him. "You're distracting me." I whispered.

Julian grabbed my homework and started doing it for me. When one problem had taken me five minutes, Julian finished all the remaining problems in less time. "There." He said and put my stuff on the nightstand. "Now you're done."

"Are you some sort of math genius?"

Julian chuckled as he tilted my head up and started kissing my neck. I sighed as his lips caused my skin to catch fire. I shivered as Julian nibbled and sucked on the skin of my neck

"Julian." I whispered raggedly.

"Hmm?"

"The door's open."

Julian kissed a path up to my ear. "So close it." He whispered.

"I can't."

"Well _I_ can't stop kissing you." He said as he pressed his lips to mine.

"You can." I said with a smile even as I slid down to put my head on the pillows.

"But I don't want to."

And we were making out again. Julian had is upper body on top of me and his hands were in my hair. I gripped his shoulders tight and pulled him closer to me. Julian pulled on hand out of my hair and down my neck. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hand continued further down. It trailed over my breast, where he let it linger for a moment. His touch caused me to moan but I pulled my lips away from his.

I stared up into his dark eyes. My chest was heaving and my lips felt numb. I was stunned. I had never been touched there, and I had a fleeting sense of panic. Julian had frozen; most likely waiting for me to let him know it was ok. I took one of my arms from around his neck. I placed my hand over his and nodded.

Julian groaned and pressed his lips to mine urgently. I wrapped my arms around his neck again and arched my chest into his hand.

A soft "Ahem", came from beside my open door.

I pulled my mouth away from Julian's and he rolled off of me quickly.

I stared at my youngest step-brother. The tips of his sticky-outy ears were as red as his hair and he looked thoroughly uncomfortable. I sat up quickly, as embarrassed as he was. "What do you need, David?" I asked

"Um, dad wants to know if your boyfriend is staying for dinner." He said.

_Boyfriend? Was Julian my boyfriend?_ I thought. I looked over at Julian who looked at me. "I can't." He said to me.

"Tell your dad he's not staying." I said to Doc.

He nodded and all but ran away from my door. We had probably scarred him for life. "I think we scared him." Julian said with a laugh.

"Probably." I looked over at Julian. "Why can't you stay? Are you afraid to meet my mom?"

"No, I can't stay because I'm kinda grounded."

"What?"

"You know how we…" He lowered his voice "mediated that ghost the other night?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Well my dad caught me sneaking back in and grounded me."

"But you're here."

"Yeah well…" he shrugged. "He probably doesn't even remember grounding me, besides it's not like he's home to make sure I follow his 'orders'."

"What do you mean?"

"He works… a lot."

"Oh, so you're just scared to meet my mom." I said with a smile.

Julian chuckled and shook his head. "Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow?" He asked quickly.

"Out? Like on a date?"

"Yeah. Well I figure, since I'm your boyfriend and all, we should go out." He looked into my eyes. "I am your boyfriend right?"

I felt my cheeks get hot and I nodded. On the outside I was calm, but on the inside it was like the Fourth of July. Fireworks were going off. There was a band playing a fanfare. I had a boyfriend. I, Suze Simon, had my first _real_ boyfriend.

"Good." He said and gave me a soft kiss. "I should get going."

"Ok." I said. I was too stunned to say anything else.

I walked Julian to the door and out onto the porch. He turned and pulled me to him. "Suze I…" He stopped and shook his head. He leaned down and gave me one last kiss. "I'll be by to pick you up at noon."

"Wait where are we going?"

"There's this place on the beach that I really like. It's private so ... we can be alone." He said with a crooked smile.

My face flushed at the thought of being alone with Julian. "Ok, I'll see you tomorrow." He let me go and I instantly missed his arms around me. I stayed on the porch for a while after Julian left. My cheeks hurt because I was smiling so much. I swear, if I could've, I would've done some flips or something.

I still couldn't believe it.

Julian was my boyfriend.

* * *

**A/N: **So…good? Yes? No?

Have I lost my touch? Dear God, I hope not.

So anyway, there was some sexy stuff in here…and more on the way.

And Suze has an actual boyfriend *claps excitedly*.

Again, thanks to those who urged me to continue with this.

I'll try to post the next chapter in a week or so.

As always reviews are much appreciated.

Until next time.


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